


Always Will Be

by miyatsumus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, First Love Gone Wrong, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Rating May Change, Romance, atsumu's not much of an asshole here i guess, just mentions of kita tbh, probably lol, soft!atsumu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23681890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyatsumus/pseuds/miyatsumus
Summary: In which Atsumu thought that he had already lost one of the few people who mattered to him only to be proven wrong years later because he completely forgot that love may also bloom from spaces, pauses, forgiveness, and chances.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 166





	1. Chapter 1

It was during his second year in high school when Miya Atsumu experienced his first heartache. You were a childhood friend, having moved into their neighborhood when you were in fourth grade, attending the same school as him - and in extension, Osamu - ever since. Your sudden intrusion in his life was unexpected, but not unwelcome. If anything, Atsumu really enjoyed spending time with you - your company was pleasant and comfortable. You were also one of the very (emphasis on very) few people who can put up with his antics and call him out whenever he had already crossed the line (which the people around you were thankful for). As cliche as it may sound, he saw you as a best friend and a sister until the day Osamu knocked some sense into him (because while Atsumu’s judgment and intuition as a setter were top-notch, outside the court, he can really be dull when it comes to selected things).

Club activities were cancelled for the day because the gym where they practice was undergoing some inspection. The rest of the team decided to go to the newly opened ramen place near their school. Normally, Atsumu would be down to hang out, but he’s been in a very foul mood for exactly a week now, so he decided to just head home. To his surprise, Osamu also declined the invitation, which was quite odd because it’s not very Osamu to say no to food adventures, however, his twin explained to the team that he has some few errands to run. Atsumu raised an eyebrow after hearing Osamu’s excuse, knowing full well that it was just a lie, yet he didn’t really care at that point. 

The first few minutes of their walk home was silent. The sky was already colored in orange and a tinge of red, a sign that the sun was setting soon. Normally, Osamu would prefer the quiet, but he knew that the situation he was in just didn’t feel right - it hasn’t been for a week now because Atsumu usually couldn’t keep his mouth shut, being a person who always has something to say regardless of relevance - and so he decided to break the stillness.

“‘Tsumu,” he said in his usual nonchalant voice, yet it was enough to get the attention of his brother whose eyes were trained on the pavement they were walking on. “Dunno if you realized this already, but you’ve been out of it ever since the news that (Name) and Kita-san are dating broke.”

Atsumu froze in his tracks and winced slightly after hearing the last part, Osamu catching a quick glimpse of his brother’s pained expression. Atsumu’s right hand was clenched into a tight ball as he took a deep breath. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” he replied seconds after, regaining some composure.

“I felt like you haven’t figured it out yet. Look, I know you’re stupid, that’s why I’m tellin’ this to you right now: you have feelings for (Name) - the special kind,” Osamu started. “I’m your twin brother. I know you, ‘Tsumu.”

“What the fuck are you on? Like I said I---”

“Quit being dumb for once, will ya? Don’t you think I wouldn’t notice how you’d steal glances at her whenever you have the chance to? How you’d actually help her tidy up the gym after practice when you can’t even clean your own space in our room? How you’d light up whenever she talks to you? How you just can’t stop talking about her even when what you’re saying is already irrelevant to the current conversation? How you suddenly went silent when she first told us about liking someone? Honestly, I can still go on, though I think that’s enough for you to work with.”

("'How long does it usually take for a crush on someone develops into something more serious?" you asked during one hot Saturday afternoon. Osamu only raised an eyebrow at your question.

"What brings this up?" Atsumu chuckled as he put down the controller of his console. "Ya like someone?"

"I think I actually do," you sighed, the redness on your cheeks and ears becoming more evident as the seconds passed by.

"Wow you're actually redder than 'Tsumu during the time he wet his pants 'cuz he was afraid Sadako might appear from our toilet," Osamu snickered.

Atsumu fell uncharacteristically silent, not even bothering to curse Osamu for bringing up that incident.)

“‘Samu---”

“I wouldn’t hesitate to punch you in the face if you still deny it without givin’ it some actual thought. You have feelings for her, ‘Tsumu. That’s why you are like this. You are hurt. Acknowledge that, will ya?”

That night, Atsumu reflected for what seemed like hours; he even ignored Osamu’s invitation to play Tekken. He was sure that his brother was just exaggerating. He didn’t hold any romantic feelings for you, no.

Sure, he experiences a familiar kind of warmth whenever he sees you smile; his breath sometimes hitches whenever he’d accidentally brush his fingertips on your skin (because damn, your skin’s so soft under his touch and it always, always feels so heavenly); his world starts to go into slow motion whenever you tell him about your day, including all those tiny details that Atsumu knew still mattered...but that’s because you’re someone who he holds dear, right? 

“‘Tsumu, when you learned that (Name) and Kita-san are dating, what came into your mind?” Osamu asked as he was fixing his things in his duffel bag. “Answer me honestly.”

It took him seconds to answer, his mind telling him to pick his words carefully, but he reminded himself that this was Osamu he’s talking to, his brother, his best friend. “I didn't exactly like it.”

“And why do you think that’s the case?”

“Dunno, she’s like my sister, _our_ sister, y’know? I know that Kita-san will take care of her, but a part of me felt like I wasn’t ready to let her go just yet.”

“Let her go? It’s not like (Name) was really yours in the first place, ‘Tsumu.” The room fell silent. Atsumu didn’t know what to say and Osamu sighed, hoping that he finally made his extremely dense brother come to terms with his feelings. And when Atsumu turned to his side, now facing the wall, Osamu knew he won this time. He smiled to himself, albeit it was a sad one. He still felt sorry for Atsumu, however, Osamu firmly believed that the first step to healing was acknowledging the fact that one was indeed hurt.

Atsumu didn’t get to sleep early that night, his head filled with thoughts of you. He cried silently as he felt the familiar ache in his chest again. ‘Fuck,’ he thought to himself. He was in love with you and he didn’t know what to do. In one fell swoop, all the sad love songs started to make sense to him and he even thought that the sun would never rise again. It hurt, oh god, it fucking hurt. He had never felt this vulnerable before and he hated it. The world was crumbling down right in front of his eyes and there’s nothing he could do about it because you were already someone else’s and looking back at the past few days, he realized that you were indeed glowing and like the twinkling stars in the night sky, you looked so celestial and just so happy, and that was probably - no, he was sure - because of Kita. He should be glad, really, because your happiness meant a lot and it was probably one of the few things in the world that mattered to him. But boy, was it hard. Falling in love in silence was perhaps one of the cruelest forms of self-destruction.

-

Atsumu found himself putting distance between the two of you, finding the resolve to just save himself from further heartbreak. It was all in vain, though, because no matter what he did, his eyes still end up wandering to where you are, his hands still having the urge to hold you and feel you, his heart still beating and aching (and everything in between) for you and only you.

Volleyball was his only distraction from you. Whenever he holds the ball, everything else around him stops mattering and so he has spent more time practicing, striving to get better as each day passes by, and with this, his love for the sport also grew deeper. Before he knew it, he'd already decided that he would be going pro. 

“Have you told her about this?” Osamu asked after Atsumu broke the news to him one random night during their senior year. “Graduation’s around the corner, y’know?”

“It ain't even that big of a news. Plus it's not like---”

“Stop it right there. You’re about to say somethin’ like ‘she won’t really care,’ right?” Atsumu didn’t answer and Osamu knew that he took the words right out of his brother’s mouth. “You know full well that's pure bullshit because news flash, dumbass: she misses you. Ever since you started this stupid act of yours.”

“I was tryin’ to save myself, ‘Samu. I still am.” He hated himself for doing this, knowing that he was nothing but a walking contradiction, a big hypocrite for thinking that your happiness meant a lot to him, yet he was hurting you for always choosing himself.

“By staying away from her? You sure it’s doing you more good than bad?” For the second time that night, Atsumu fell silent, lips forming a tight line. “Grow some balls and talk to her before she moves to Kyoto. You at least know that, right?”

“Yeah. Heard about it some time ago.”

“Did you even congratulate her? Gettin' a scholarship like that ain't easy, y’know that right?” No answer. “Man, ‘Tsumu, you two have a lot to talk about.”

-

Senior year went by so quickly and the next thing Atsumu knew was that he was already holding his diploma, minutes away from saying goodbye to Inarizaki High permanently. The skies were clear and the midday breeze was warm enough to keep him grounded. He was not really the most sentimental person, yet he’d be lying if he says that high school didn’t mean anything to him.

Just as when he was about to head out and find Osamu and their parents, he heard an oh-so familiar voice calling him from behind. He wanted to make a run for it, still not ready to face you. From what he’s heard, your relationship with Kita was going strong and that fact alone was enough to put his mind at ease, yet make him feel the pain of a thousand daggers being pierced through his chest - at least Kita was taking care of you (he still wished it was him, though). His feet betrayed him by staying rooted to their place on the ground. Atsumu found himself cursing the heavens.

“‘Tsumu?” you called from behind, your voice wavering at the last syllable.

It’s been so long since you two had a proper conversation. It killed you on the inside, but you were so lost - you didn’t know how to approach him because the moment you realized that the two of you were drifting apart, the distance was already so big that you felt like bridging it would be nothing but a futile effort. Of course you still tried to do so, yet for some reason it just couldn’t work out and you didn’t know why. And so you decided to give Atsumu space, guessing that it’s probably what he needed, but you’d be going on your own separate path soon and you knew that it would be wrong to leave without a proper goodbye to your best friend. It took all the courage in you to finally face him, feeling as if a storm was brewing inside of you the moment you saw him standing in front of the gym that you both held so close to your hearts. 

The blond turned around to face you, a small smile drawn on his lips. He took a deep breath and cast away all his apprehensions, reminding himself that this might be his last chance to set things right (or at least something close to that).

“(Name),” he replied and you did your best not to cry because oh god, you missed the way he called your name. You missed him so much that it really hurt. “‘Sup?”

“I thought that it would be best to say goodbye properly to my best friends. I just finished talking to ‘Samu a few minutes ago,” you started, stepping a little closer to him, his favorite smile of yours being drawn on your lips. “My family will move to Osaka in three days, y’know, because of grandma and grandpa. Dad will still have his clinic here, though. Did ‘Samu tell you about this?” Atsumu just shook his head, finding himself lost for words. He didn’t know anything about this and he wouldn’t deny the fact that it hurt to learn this at the very last minute, so much so that he couldn't even manage to get mad. “Well, there’s that. I'm sorry for keeping it from you guys. My parents broke the news two months ago. I really didn't know how to bring it up, so I waited for the perfect timing, but it never came...and the next thing I knew, it's already the last week of school. That was a shitty move, I know," you explained, hoping that he wouldn't hate you for what you did. "And I guess you at least know that I’ll be going to Kyoto to study medicine.”

“Yeah. You really want to follow the footsteps of your dad, huh?” He tried to keep his tone as calm as possible.

“Of course,” you smiled. “What about you? Osamu never mentioned what exactly your plans are after this.”

“Ah, yeah 'bout that,” he answered sheepishly, the palm of his right hand finding his nape. “I’ll be advancing to the V-League.”

You didn’t say anything else and the next thing Atsumu knew was that you had your arms wrapped around him, your face buried into his chest. He couldn’t believe the moment he was in, pretty sure he was just dreaming, because no, this was too good to be true...except it really was since he was certain that he could feel the wetness forming on his school uniform and your sobs were becoming louder and louder as each second passed by. Before he knew it, all the negative emotions he was trying to suppress left his body. 

Having your arms around him felt as if he was soaring through the sky. He could smell your shampoo and he was pretty sure that he was being intoxicated by the fragrance of...was that lavender? Either way, it smelled so, so good. His arms then found themselves wrapped around your frame as well, his hand soon giving comforting pats on your back. He missed being this close to you and he’d do anything to stay like this forever because holding you felt so right and made it seem like letting you go was one grave sin.

Unfortunately, that was just too much to ask. A frown formed on his lips as you started removing yourself from his arms.

“Hey, what’s with the sudden waterworks?” he chuckled, plastering a smile before you could set your eyes on his face.

“I-I’m so proud of you, ‘Tsumu,” you stuttered, wiping your tear-stained cheeks with the back of your hand. “You’re on your way to fulfill your dream and I’m just so proud.”

Atsumu looked at you with so much softness in his eyes. “And what do you call yourself?” he asked, the familiar fondness dancing its way to his heart. “Being offered a scholarship from Kyoto University like that? Congratulations, by the way. I never got to say that to you until now. You make me so fuckin’ proud.”

You were about to say something, but your words were interrupted by the voice of your mom calling you from behind. It was time to go and you could only wish for your moment with Atsumu to last longer, even just for a second.

Atsumu looked over your shoulder and saw your mom waving at him. With a smile, he waved back before his eyes found yours once again. “Looks like you have to go now.”

“Sadly. My mom has the worst timing, believe me. Even when I’m with Shinsuke, she never fails” you grumbled. “We’ll keep in touch, yeah?”

He felt his stomach drop upon hearing his former teammate’s name. It was just for a while, but he really forgot the fact that you’re dating Kita Shinsuke for months now, not letting the distance come in the way of your relationship. It was too much for Atsumu to handle and he felt like the world around him was burning and wildfire was spreading across his chest. Tears were about to leave his eyes as he was being drowned in the pain he’s been trying to avoid for months. It was as if all the destruction natural disasters combined bring could never compare to the damage he was dealing with at the moment. 

“‘Tsumu? You there?”

“Y-yeah,” he answered, barely above a whisper, afraid that his voice would crack due to the threatening sobs he’s been holding in at the back of his mouth. “We’ll keep in touch.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

"I'm sorry again for keeping it a secret from you until now."

"It's all good, but you better treat me some fatty tuna next time we meet to make up for this," he joked, hoping to get rid of the sadness that was clouding your expression.

"You can count on that," you chuckled, your expression somewhat lightening up. "Bye!"

As he saw your figure getting smaller and smaller due to the growing distance between your bodies, he cursed himself. He wanted to hold you for one last time, but he knew that was a tall order. He wanted to say sorry, to say that he missed you, to make up for all the lost time, however, it was already too late. You were fading in such a beautiful and bitter way and before Miya Atsumu knew it, you were already gone.

Osamu came to get him afterwards, saying that their parents were waiting for them in the car. They were planning to eat in the city to celebrate their graduation and Osamu was just too excited to keep on waiting.

The school grounds were clear of people at that point because it’s already been hours since the graduation ceremony ended. Osamu could tell that his brother was not really in the mood to talk, however, he couldn’t help but wonder what happened between the two of you. So surprised was an understatement to describe what he felt when he heard words come out of Atsumu’s mouth first as they were walking towards the place where their parents parked.

“I got to talk to her,” Atsumu started, his eyes trained on the sky above them. “Didn’t know that they’ll be moving to Osaka so soon.”

“I learned about it last weekend. Thought that it’d be best to hear it from her directly since not everyone really knows about it.”

Atsumu still felt quite betrayed that his brother kept this from him, but he couldn’t really blame Osamu for his decision as well since it was not really his secret to tell.

“‘Samu.”

Osamu stopped in his tracks, body turning to face his twin brother. “‘Tsumu.”

“‘Samu, I’m in love with her. I love (Name).” Atsumu’s voice wavered, sounding so defeated and if there’s one thing that Atsumu hated, it's losing - it took so much strength from him to admit that up until that very day, he’s still one of the fallen. Osamu could tell that his brother was doing his best not to cry at that very moment as he noticed the quivering of his brother's lips.

“I know.”

“I love her and I couldn’t do anything about it. Sucks to be me, huh?.”

Osamu didn’t know what to reply. “Yeah. I’m sorry it had to be this way,” was all that he could say - a safe answer. He gave Atsumu a pat on the shoulder and resumed walking towards their car. “We better get our asses inside the car before mom starts yellin’ at us.”

Atsumu gave his brother a half-hearted smile, knowing that Osamu did have a point. During the car ride, his mind drifted to the little moment he had with you just minutes ago. It was still surreal and there was a mixture of pain and lightheadedness as he recalled it. You stood in front of him with that gentle smile of yours and all he could think about was that you were as beautiful as the morning light. Your touch melted him - it was warm, comforting, delicate - and he’s never felt so content. If that was what heaven feels like, he wouldn’t mind changing his way of life if it meant that he’d get a ticket to paradise.

However, fleeting moments die carelessly, he should’ve known. He should’ve guarded his heart better because the moment he was reminded of his reality, he was sure that the universe didn’t hesitate to wreak havoc on him. He wasn’t able to save himself from being destroyed and the next thing he realized was he already making a promise that he wasn’t sure he could keep and he hated himself for it. He knew that you hold him dear, albeit in a different way compared to how he does for you, and the last thing he wanted was to hurt you again because you didn’t deserve that, no. It was not your fault for loving and being happy with someone else, for not seeing him the way as he sees you.

But Miya Atsumu was a selfish man and as much as it pained him to hurt you this way, he still decided to choose himself again this time, hoping that healing was just waiting for him at the end of the line.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quite a lengthy chapter ahead :)

Typical night outs with the team have always involved a ridiculous quantity of food and drinks, squabbles, and unnecessary amount of hubbub. The season just ended two days ago and the Black Jackals have finally got together once again to celebrate their victory with some barbeque. The win did not come easily, of course. The Adlers were persistent, relentless, and to be honest, they would not want to have it in any other way. Atsumu could still remember the smile painted on Kageyama’s face right after the final whistle of the referee was blown - it was a smile that held so much gratification. There was also Ushijima’s handshake that came with an unspoken promise and Atsumu was sure that it was something along the lines of, “we’ll beat you guys next time.” And of course, the least subtle among the bunch, Hoshiumi’s words which echoed throughout the almost half-empty gymnasium. 

“Hinata Shouyou, I’m going to defeat you in the next tournament, so don’t lose until we face each other! And you, Miya! Next time we meet, I’ll make sure to receive your annoying serves perfectly! Sakusa---”

Atsumu didn’t really get to hear the rest since Hirugami managed to drag the outside hitter away from the court, not letting his teammate continue with his spiel anymore as he somehow effectively shut Hoshiumi up. The setter found himself smiling at the memory, though. Because truth to be told, this championship game with the Adlers was probably one of his favorite games in his entire volleyball career so far, and that says a lot. The next tournament would still be months away, yet he was already itching to face them once again, but for now, he’d be holding onto those promises and let them serve as his motivation to get better - after all, he would not want to disappoint those absolute volleyball freaks waiting for their next match up.

Unfortunately, Atsumu became a little too absorbed in his thoughts that he failed to notice his boisterous teammate, someone named Bokuto Koutarou, snatching the big slab of beef he’s been waiting to get cooked for some time now. It took him a few seconds to register what just happened, although when he eventually did, chaos immediately broke out, disturbing everyone within a five-meter radius from where the team was seated. 

“Why you lil’ piece of shit!” Atsumu yelled, fighting the urge to stab the chuckling Bokuto with his chopsticks. The lofty smirk present on Sakusa’s face was not helping with his mood, either. “You motherfu---”

“Language, Miya,” Meian reminded, cutting his teammate off, although he knew that it would be useless once Atsumu starts running his insanely foul mouth - everybody knows how creative Atsumu can be when it comes to his insults and profanities and they could just hope that no child is near him whenever the dissing begins .

However, even before Atsumu can utter his next string of words or Bokuto can form some kind of annoying excuse as to why he snatched the setter’s meat, Hinata stepped right in, immediately preventing yet another world war from breaking out. 

“You can have mine, Atsumu-san!” Hinata chirped, putting his freshly cooked piece of beef on Atsumu’s plate.

“Shouyou-kun, you don’t really have---”

“If Tsum-tsum doesn’t want it, then I’ll take it!” Bokuto smiled as he reached for the meat, however, before his chopsticks could even reach the perimeter of Atsumu’s plate, the beef was already gone.

“Yum,” the setter remarked, grinning with satisfaction as he saw a pout forming on the outside hitter’s lips. “Shouyou-kun, that was cooked perfectly.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Atsumu-san! Bokuto-san, you can have one of the pieces that I’m grilling while waiting for yours to finish cooking! They will be done in a few seconds!”

Bokuto, who started poking the chunk of beef cooking in front of him, immediately lit up. Atsumu only rolled his eyes - Hinata was just too kind and sweet for his own good and sometimes the blond wished that Hinata would just ignore them whenever their mental ages regressed by 10 years or so.

Atsumu will never admit it outloud, but he generally enjoys the company of his teammates, even outside the court. It took him a while to appreciate spending time with them for the reason that his patience was always being tested by some people, particularly the spikers (read: Bokuto Koutarou and later on, Sakusa Kiyoomi), yet after overcoming that hurdle (an extremely tough one at that), he actually found himself looking forward to night outs with them, slowly accepting the fact that he can’t really change much about his teammates, so the least that he can do is just try to develop some kind of tolerance to their eccentricities. It started paying off, though, because before he knew it, he already managed to have a special kind of fondness for them. He figured that there were really some benefits whenever one decides to be an actual decent human being and member of society.

‘’Sides, they’re monsters on court, so I can’t really hate ‘em,’ he once mused, justifying his decision to be a little more patient with his team.

The rest of the dinner was filled with lots and lots of meat, teasing, bickering, occasional insults, and hearty laughter. Everyone was just having fun and even Sakusa Kiyoomi, almost always scowling Sakusa Kiyoomi, found himself smiling every now and then as he watched his teammates exchange banters. Inunaki actually managed to take stolen photos of those candid moments, thanking the gods that his teammate didn’t have his face mask on in order to make way for the food - the team's libero was pretty sure that those photos would come in handy in the near future. Instances like this one weren’t exactly rare as the chaos is always present during meetings, fan events, practices, and matches, although there’s something more calming, more relaxing during night outs with the team despite the ruckus still being there. Gatherings like this always, always serve as a tiny breathing space. It’s nice to be with everyone else without actually having to worry about current rankings, fatigue, victories and defeat, and whatever uncertainty that comes with playing volleyball. 

  
  


-

  
  


It was around quarter to nine when the team finally got out of the restaurant. Some of their teammates had gone ahead, saying that they should really call it a night as they still have plans for the next day, while some were getting ready for a second part of their celebration, which Bokuto didn’t hesitate to say yes to. This kind of follow up was not exactly new, especially when the following day would be a free one. 

Atsumu was finally done contemplating on whether he should go with his teammates or just retire for the night. He didn’t have anything planned for the next two days, so he figured that he could definitely spend a couple more hours outside. However, just when he was about to confirm his attendance, an oddly familiar voice saying his name made him forget what he was about to do and what was happening around him. His brain shut down completely and his body was just frozen in place. He couldn’t lift a finger; he couldn’t even utter a single word. He guessed that the only part of him that was being (somewhat) functional was his heart, which was pounding like crazy, as if it was attempting to break free from his chest.

“Atsumu? Miya Atsumu?” he heard you call once again, although this time, you were a whole lot closer and it was enough for you to confirm that it was indeed your childhood friend. “Oh my goodness, it really is you, ‘Tsumu! I knew it! I knew you were the one cursin’ like hell inside the barbeque place. Same ol’ ‘Tsumu, eh?”

Truly, it should’ve been a typical night out with the team...but suddenly it wasn’t since the moment Miya Atsumu finally finished processing the fact that you were in front of him for some reason, it started to take him everything not to give in to the emotions he chose to keep hidden for the longest time. He hasn’t seen you since that day you bid farewell to him in front of your high school gym, so the sight of you rattled him - if that was a good thing of a bad thing, he could not tell just yet.

To be fair, despite having reservations about keeping in touch back then (because he genuinely wanted to move on from you first before trying to rebuild the friendship he carelessly ruined), he still did his best to respond to your messages and tried to go beyond the typical ‘hi-hello-how are you-I’m, fine what about you-doin’ great-I see, that’s good to know,’ although eventually, both of you had to face your respective realities - he was a volleyball pro in the making and practice became harsher as each day went by; you were on your way to becoming a doctor and med school was not exactly the most forgiving, especially when it comes to scheduling exams and giving out other requirements - and so the messages exchanged became less frequent until there were barely anything at all. It continued that way for weeks, however, those weeks turned into months and the months turned into years, and soon you both found yourselves only texting during important days, such as the New Year or birthdays.

“(Name),” Atsumu mumbled as he directed his focus on you, everything else in the background entering a state of blur. 

“I haven’t seen you in years,” you replied, voice a lot more mellow now. “Congrats on the championship, by the way. I saw it on the news the other day. Man, you never fail to make me proud, yknow?”

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” was all he said, though there was a light flush creeping on his cheeks .

“So, what’s Mr. Service Ace doin’ in Doutonbori on this bustlin’ Friday night?”

“Was celebratin’ with the team,” he answered, which suddenly reminded him that his teammates were just a few feet away from him. Just as when he was about to find them, Bokuto immediately appeared beside him, as if reading what was on the setter’s mind.

“Hey, hey, hey! Are you a fan?” Bokuto inquired, his smile reaching his ears as he stepped closer to you. “What’s your name? Some of the guys went home earlier, but we still---”

“You’re too close!” Atsumu exclaimed before pulling Bokuto away from you. “And no, she’s a childhood friend, now scram!”

“Awww, you won’t join us then?”

“Oh, was I keeping you, ‘Tsumu?” you asked, your lips forming a frown. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know---”

“Nah, you weren’t,” he cut you off before turning to Bokuto. “Bokkun, I won’t be joining you guys tonight.” So much for pondering over it earlier, he thought, even so, something was telling him that changing his mind was the better choice.

“Oh, okay, enjoy catching up then. See ya, Tsum-tsum! Nice meeting you, Tsum-tsum’s friend!” the energetic spiker bid before bouncing off.

You found yourself staring at Bokuto’s retreating figure, amazed by how fast the sequence of events went by. You weren’t exactly a fan, though you do know a couple of things about Atsumu's team and that includes the fact that Bokuto Koutarou is a bouncy human being. Seeing how spirited he actually was in real life was something else. 

“So, yeah, like what he said, wanna catch up somewhere?” Atsumu’s hand found its way to the side of his neck as he asked you sheepishly, the heat from the blush earlier still present on his face. He knew he missed out a lot on things in your life and for tonight, he just really wanted to be your best friend once again - his unresolved feelings could wait for a while longer. Both of you were busy individuals and there was a voice in his head presenting him the possibility that he might not get a chance like this any time soon. “I mean, y’know, if you’re free and ya don’t mind?” 

You beamed at him, your heart overflowing with happiness and you felt as though you were about to cry. It’s been so long since you’ve last talked to him and just thinking about spending a Friday night with one of your childhood best friends made you feel so exhilarated. “Thought you’d never ask! I’d love to!”

“C’mon then, my car is parked at the back.”

Words weren’t exchanged during the walk, letting the ambient noise from the busy street fill in for the silence. Atsumu took the time to recap what just happened because honestly, seeing you in Osaka during a random night was never expected, yet there you were beside him, looking more radiant than he remembered. Your presence immediately took him back to the years you’ve shared in Hyogo, the nostalgia washing over him like ocean waves. Perhaps this was the universe’s way of telling him that he still had a chance to reset everything, he guessed. Atsumu didn’t exactly follow the whole heavens shebang, but he’d be more than happy to take up on its offer, because up until that very day, his regret about the distance he placed between the two of you still lingered. You’ve always been his best friend first even before he developed those feelings for you and while he’s an ass majority of the time, he still acknowledged that what he did to you was wrong.

“I never got to ask you what you were doin’ here. Is it already your break?” he said, finally breaking the stillness between the two of you as he opened the door to his SUV. “Or visiting your family or somethin’?”

“My college friends and I attended a seminar at Osaka University and we decided to grab some dinner right after,” you explained, getting comfortable on the passenger seat. “We just finished parting ways before I saw you outside the restaurant. Our break will start in two weeks, though.”

“That explains a lot. ‘Course a med student hittin’ the books in Kyoto won’t be in Osaka just for leisure in the middle of the semester.”

“Hey! While it is true that we came here for a talk, we still get breaks from time to time, y’know? We ain’t just about studyin’, got it?”

“Yeah, yeah, I understand,” he replied, raising both of his hands in surrender as he noticed the defensive tone in your voice. “Anyway, I know this very chill bar Umeda. What do you think?”

“Definitely down for that as long as you’re paying.” 

“You shit, I ain’t as loaded as you think I am!”

“Says the guy who owns a fuckin’ SUV,” you retorted, eyes rolling at Atsumu’s remark. “C’mon now, it won’t hurt to treat your precious childhood friend whom you haven’t seen in years!”

Atsumu gawked at you incredulously, finding it hard to believe that you actually used that card minutes after your reunion. You took on the challenge and met his eyes with your own. A few seconds in, however, Atsumu broke the contact, realizing that wasn’t exactly the best for his heart.

“Fine,” he groaned as he backed his car up. “But just so you know, all my savings went to this precious baby right here,” he gave the dashboard light pats, “and to the place that I got for myself a few months ago.”

“And your point is?”

“I already said it! I don’t have as much money in my bank account as you think!”

“Okay, but you’ll still treat this broke med student, right?”

“Don’t make me fuckin’ repeat myself, (Name).” Laughter spilled from your lips and he was amazed at how after all these years, he still considered it a symphony to his ears. “What’s so funny?”

“I still stand with what I said earlier, sir. You’re still the same ol’ ‘Tsumu.” There was a softness in your smile and Atsumu was having a hard time focusing on the road. “Crazy how you’re still you, though I wouldn’t really have it any other way.”

He felt his heart racing faster at the small revelation. He laid his eyes on you for a while before turning them back to the road. You began talking about your misadventures from your freshman year in college and Atsumu found himself listening intently to make up for all the missed time. He also wanted to tell you so many things, however, he figured that those could wait because for now, he was truly enjoying the story of how you somewhat found yourself walking into the wrong classes at least once a month during your first semester of college. A pout made its way to your lips after he cackled at your clumsiness.

It was only supposed to be a twenty-minute drive to the bar, yet Atsumu felt as if the world went into slow motion and really, he would trade anything, probably even his beloved SUV, to be stuck in that very instant forever. The city lights illuminated on your face in such a gentle manner and dear goodness, you looked so divine with the pale glow dusting your cheeks ever so slightly with what it seemed like silver and gold. His grip on the steering wheel got tighter in an attempt to bring himself to focus on the highway a little more.

Emotions were very terrifying and unpredictable things and experiencing a plethora of them was still never a guarantee to understanding them - it takes so much more than that. Atsumu didn’t know how it took him only one glance at you at that very moment to realize that he never got out of your spell. His mind drifted back to years ago when he used to firmly believe that you were similar to the sun that rises up in the morning and like the moon that breathes life to the night. He then thought that claim still holds true. He felt the tiny flickering flame in his heart that got lit up moments ago getting stronger, bigger, and a lot more stable as a known warmth spread across his chest. He didn’t exactly know if it should even be welcomed, however, it was there, making, _demanding_ its presence to be recognized. 

The digital clock on the dashboard of his car read ‘21:25’ and Atsumu inwardly cursed as all he could think about was how definitely fucked up he was since it only took him less than an hour to find his way back into love. 

You were right. He’s still the same ol’ ‘Tsumu.

-

  
  


You and Atsumu didn’t waste any time beating around the bush. Once your drinks arrived (which did not take long), the catch up session commenced and boy, it shouldn’t be a surprise that you two missed out on so many things about each other, but the both of you were quite overwhelmed at first, to say the least, when stories came one after another. You guessed that it was a small price to pay for being so absent in each other’s lives for the past few years. 

Atsumu learned that you’d come home to your family in Osaka at least once every two months and sometimes even go with your dad whenever he conducts his rounds. He was amazed upon finding out that you started learning how to cook ever since you moved out of your university dorm to rent out a studio apartment instead and of course, he did not forget to tease you about the times when you’d almost burn their house down whenever Osamu leaves you alone in the kitchen for a while. You shared the tiny snippets of your life to him so naturally and without the slightest bit of hesitation and Atsumu was so thankful that you were still comfortable around him, that you still trust him enough to share even the most embarrassing of encounters.

Of course, he did the same, telling you so much about his experiences with the team and how his routine changed quite a bit ever since he’s become a professional volleyball player. For one, you found out that he actually became a morning person, which shocked you a little too much that you called bullshit on it for a few seconds, remembering how you and his twin brother would sometimes leave for school without him because “there’s no morning practice, I can sleep for ten more minutes,” which never failed him from earning a lecture about punctuality and being a model student-athlete from his homeroom teacher (sometimes Osamu would get roped in, the teacher telling him, “you share the same room and the same bunk bed with him. Why can’t you extend a little hand to him and wake him up? Aren’t ya supposed to be brothers?”).

“No, but seriously! Especially when we’re preparin’ for the season, I’d barely get enough time to squeeze in my workout session, so I’d hafta do it before practice. Bokkun and I are actually gym buddies.”

“You seem to be extremely fond of him,” you giggled, remembering your meeting with his teammate earlier.

“He can be insufferable at times,” he groaned, “but his energy can really get the team goin’. His and Shouyou-kun’s, actually.” 

“You really kept your promise to Hinata Shouyou, huh? That from the Spring Tournament during our second year,” you reminded him and he nodded in response. “I’m happy for ya.”

“‘Course. Can’t let Tobio-kun hog that beast all to himself, am I right?”

Just as when you were about to answer, your conversation was interrupted by someone calling Atsumu from behind. Your friend appeared to be startled at the sudden intrusion, eyes widening as if Atsumu just saw a ghost.

“Hey, Atsumu! I haven’t seen you in a while,” the woman giggled as she latched herself onto Atsumu’s arm. You just raised your eyebrows quizzically, slowly feeling distressed at how her chest was pressing against Atsumu’s toned arm. You were fighting the urge to peel her off from him. “You never called me again after our outing in Miyajima,” she pouted. “I was waiting for it, y’know?”

“I never told ya that I’d call!” Atsumu answered, pushing the still unnamed woman from him.

“What a bummer, thought I’d get to have a lil’ more fun with you.” A sigh escaped her lips before taking a step back. “Anyway, feel free to call me anytime. I’ll be waiting.” There was something sultry in her voice and you weren’t too stupid to not understand what she meant by that. She noticed that you were still peering at her and took the chance to flash you a smirk before winking. And just like that, she made her exit. 

“...sorry ‘bout that,” Atsumu started, breaking the awkward silence that was left by the woman. 

“An old girlfriend?” you asked, playing with the glass of mojito using your right hand.

Atsumu blushed at the question, appearing rather alarmed. “Nope! No! Absolutely not!

“Then care to explain what just happened?” there was a slight annoyance in your tone, still remembering her smug expression before leaving.

“Someone from the team introduced her about two years ago. We went out a couple of times. Four at most. Didn’t feel interested, I swear! Nothin’ happened between us!” You couldn’t help yourself from laughing at how defensive he was sounding and it immediately eased out the tension in the air. “Why are you laughin?”

“Nothing, really. It’s just that you could’ve just ended your explanation when you said that you went out a couple of times. No need to be uptight about it. Whatever you do with them shouldn’t be part of my business anymore, yeah?”

“Oh, okay.”

You couldn’t pinpoint the reason why he seemed to be quite dejected after what you said, though you just decided to dismiss the confusion, thinking that maybe you were just imagining things - you were on your fourth glass of cocktail, after all.

“Anyway, while we’re on this topic, I feel like I need to ask, ‘Tsumu,” you prefaced and there was something quite dangerous in the way you spoke that made Atsumu gulp. “You currently seeing someone?” Atsumu furrowed his brows at your question, chugging down his beer right after. “I mean it’s not impossible right? To have men and women lining up for you.”

“I’m not going out with anyone. Haven’t for a long time now,” he answered as he stared at a random direction just so he couldn’t meet your gaze. He didn’t want you to see the longing in his eyes.

“Ain’t working well for you, huh?”

He sighed and nodded. “You could say that. Well, what ‘bout you? Datin’ anyone?”

You shook your head, a small smile painted on your face. “I haven’t gone out with anyone after Shinsuke.”

Atsumu remembered hearing the news from Osamu, his brother mentioning it to him one random weekend at home. Of course he was taken aback because he was pretty sure that the relationship was going to last long, knowing how his old volleyball captain was, but sooner than expected, the initial surprise faded away and he immediately returned to the state he was in prior to Osamu breaking the news.

(“Didn’t expect that your reaction to just be a bland ‘oh’,” Osamu remarked, a brow raised at his brother. 

“I don’t have time to dwell on it that much, ‘Samu. She’s busy. I’ll be busy once the season comes close. I can’t screw this up if I want to get to the place where I want to be. I don’t really have the luxury to care about my feelings now, do I?”

“If circumstances are different, say you already made a name for yourself in this professional volleyball world, will ya pursue them?”

Atsumu didn’t answer, but what Osamu said got him thinking.)

“Heard it was mutual.”

“Yeah, we figured out that things wouldn’t work like that,” you confirmed. “It hurt at first, since he was my first love and all.” You couldn't help yourself from chuckling since it came out a lot cheesier than expected. “But I’ve moved on now. It’s been years, after all.”

“So I take it that you won’t do long distance anymore?” Atsumu hated himself for hoping that you’d tell him ‘no.’ You shook your head and he felt the relief washing over him.

“I guess that it just wasn’t meant to be. We were very young back then, y’know?”

Atsumu watched you with so much tenderness you’ve never seen before. It made your heart flutter ever so slightly as you recognized the nuances between what you were feeling prior to and after noticing how your best friend was staring at you, albeit undeniably, it didn’t make you uncomfortable, just like the time you’ve first encountered such. It made you woozy, as if the dizziness due to the alcohol wasn’t already enough. The pads of your fingers then found your temple, signalling that you’re probably at your limit.

Atsumu didn’t fail to spot the change in your state, asking the nearby waiter for the bill. “Hey, how about we wrap things up now? You’ll be staying in your grandparents’ house, right? I’ll take you home."

Your eyes widen, his suggestion perturbing you. You glanced at your phone screen to confirm the time. It was only a little past midnight and you knew you were being selfish, however, you didn’t want this to end just yet. “No, please. I---”

“(Name),” Atsumu called you softly as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “You’re barely sober. It’s also quite late. We need to get you home.”

“D-do you have to get up early later?” you stammered, still wanting everything to last. 

“No, not really.”

“Then can I be with you for a little longer?” you pleaded, voice almost wavering. You acknowledged that it was probably indeed the alcohol that was making you a little more poignant than expected, even so, your feelings were still sincere. Your excitement from seeing him and spending time with him failed to remind you that eventually, you’d still have to say goodbye to him and now that the end to your reunion was actually in front of you, your chest was filled with nothing besides apprehension. “I...I haven’t seen you in years, ‘Tsumu. I missed you so much and I’m so afraid that I might not get a chance like this soon. Please, just a little longer.” 

“Okay,” was all he said after hearing your confession as he attempted to keep his calm demeanor, yet on the inside, he was anything but. He knew he shouldn’t misinterpret what you’ve just said, but right now, he just wanted to wrap his arms around you, trap you in a warm embrace, and tell you that he felt the same. His heart was threatening to burst with joy, finding it hard to contain the euphoria. ‘This much,’ he thought to himself. ‘I’m allowed to be this happy every now and then.’

  
  


-

  
  


You sipped on your hot hojicha latte that you and Atsumu bought from a Starbucks drive through before heading towards the Nishiumeda Park. The district was still very much alive, lights from the nearby establishments blinding you quite a bit. The cold spring breeze made you shiver as you took a seat on a random park bench and Atsumu immediately shrugged off his parka and placed it over your shoulders before sitting beside you, the distance between your bodies almost non-existent.

“‘Tsumu, I’m not drunk,” you said for the umpteenth time.

Your ears were filled with Atsumu’s exuberant laughter. “That’s like the tenth time ya said that since the drive here.”

“Right now, I’m sure I am,” you huffed with resolve. “And I truly meant every single thing that I said earlier...” You halted, feeling the heat spreading on your cheeks as you remembered how dramatic you sounded minutes ago. “It just came out as a little...intense.”

Atsumu hummed in response before drinking from the cup of his latte that he’s been neglecting ever since you two arrived at the park. He was thankful that nobody else was around, savoring every peaceful second that he’s spending with you. He felt a tug at his heartstrings and he did his best to keep himself grounded, not wanting to lose himself in the abyss of his raging emotions - at least not now when you’re still around him. 

“Hey, ‘Tsumu,” you mumbled before rubbing the palm of your hands against each other in an attempt to keep them warm and the sight of it just made Atsumu want to hold you even more. “Was hopin’ to bring this up earlier, but it never happened, so hear me out now, will ya?” He nodded, quite nervous at what you were about to say. “What happened back then?”

“What.” Confusion was laced in his voice, his face looking undoubtedly puzzled as he tried to figure out where the apology was coming from. “Wouldja please give me some context, (Name)? A lil’ lost here.”

“Years ago.”

“Still not followin’”

“We drifted apart at some point during high school, ‘Tsumu. You know that. I just guessed that I must have done something wrong and I never realized it.” You took a deep breath and broke eye contact with him, deciding to just train your eyes on the dark sky littered with the twinkling stars above you. “I still think about it from time to time, tryin’ to put the pieces together, yknow? Yet I…” Your voice was cracking and you had to pause for a while to come up with the right words to tell him. “...I’m still lost.” The tears you’ve been trying to hold back were already traversing down your cheeks and Atsumu felt a pang in his chest upon seeing you in such a state. “So if ever I’m right, I’m sorry.”

‘Ah, there it is,’ Atsumu told himself. During the drive to Umeda, he was actually wishing that the topic would never be brought up as he was not sure if he would be ready for a small confrontation. However, you’ve always been a curious person - Atsumu have always adored that side of yours - and now that you finally asked him directly and he’s actually witnessing the aftermath of what he did back then, he just didn’t have the heart to play dumb anymore and pretend that he didn’t know the reason why things turned out to be that way.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he blurted out because it was the truth. It was not your fault for having feelings for someone else. It was not your fault that he fell for someone that was not his to keep years ago. Seeing the tears stream down your face endlessly drove him to bring his hand to your cheek gingerly, making you face him again. His thumb began wiping away the wetness that’s rolling down your face, doing it with so much caution as if you were going to shatter with one wrong move. 

“So what happened?”

Silence.

This time, he was the one who peeled his glance off you, choosing to look at anywhere but you. His mind was being flooded with so many thoughts as he tried to weigh his options. He could just lie to you and save what’s remaining of your friendship. He could try to start from there and rebuild the foundation and hopefully, he’d be able to restore what was lost and if you two would be lucky, you’d be given something stronger and more beautiful than before. However, just as he was about to come up with something to tell you, his mind played a flashback of what occurred. Your broken voice and sobs echoed in his head as he remembered the tears travelling down your face.

He couldn’t. No, he didn’t want to, he concluded, trashing his original plan right then and there. Atsumu didn’t want to offer you a friendship that was about to be rebuilt on a lie - you didn’t deserve that. He pays the moon a glimpse before praying to whoever that would listen. He needed courage and the right words, and so he asked for those.

“(Name),” he called your name.

You nearly flinched, somehow getting used to the hush that came after your question. “‘Tsumu,” you replied as you felt your unease rising. It took him some time before saying anything and you surmised that perhaps he was not prepared for this. It was obvious that he was caught off guard by your confrontation. “Y-you don’t have to answer if you’re not ready yet, but---”

“No, you deserve to have answers,” he cut you off, his reply steeled with resolve. His hands were trembling as he clenched them into balls. He took a couple of deep breaths as he accepted that his fears would never leave him. Atsumu looked at you and he repeatedly told himself that you were worth facing the trepidation for - because it was true - and oddly enough, the fears started to matter less and he wondered why this new found bravery didn’t come any sooner, though he guessed that maybe it was because of all the distance and longing. “I realized it a lil’ too late, but I fell for ya.” He paused to gauge your reaction first and when he didn’t see any signs of you wanting to run away, he continued. “I was in love with you. Still am, actually. I avoided ya in the hopes of movin’ on, but it wasn’t exactly easy. I was an ass, I know.”

There, he finally said it out loud. To you.

It was cathartic in and of itself, however, your lack of immediate reaction reminded him of his reality. Atsumu was at a loss for words, not sure if there were even right ones to say after that confession. Soon enough, he started to go numb and he was itching to hold onto anything, wanting to feel something before he completely became desensitized after coming from the high of his emotional rush. 

So when you brought him closer for an embrace, his arms immediately found your body as if it was some kind of instinctive response. You started weeping into his chest and he was pretty sure that it was déjà vu of some sorts. You two stayed like that for a while, your tiny sobs filling in for the lapses in silence. Atsumu was not exactly the soft type, yet he found himself shedding tears as well. 

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” you mumbled into, your arms tightening around him. “I’m sorry,” you said again, a sob following right after. “I’m sorry.”

“What’s done is done. Wasn’t your fault, anyway. Ya didn’t know. Ya didn’t mean it. See? Nothin’ to apologize for.”

You lifted your head to look at him and his eyes met yours for the umpteenth time that night. You recognized the expression he had on: it was the same one he had at the bar when he stared at you with so much tenderness. The beating in his chest was a testament to his confession and it was all that it took for your heart to race uncontrollably. His love for you was whole, searing, and very alive, you figured that much.

Atsumu then leaned back, placing some distance between your bodies and you almost hated how the warmth just disappeared. You caught how the look of fondness disappeared slowly as he pressed his lips into a thin line, his eyes becoming quite unreadable. It was as if he was experiencing some inner turmoil.

Though to be fair, he actually was and Atsumu was well-aware that he was not being subtle about it (he was trying to, but obviously failing) judging by the concerned mien you had. He thought that the surge of emotions was already over and to be brutally honest, he wanted to leave the conservation at that, knowing full well the event that had transpired was already pretty heavy on you. However, he realized that he was still as enamored as before and the catharsis early on suddenly didn’t suffice. He just really wanted to swallow up the greed that’s been stirring the deliberation in his mind.

‘One more jump. One last risk. You’re already here. Go,’ it whispered to him.

“‘Tsumu?” you called, his nickname coming out of your mouth in the softest way that he could ever imagine and he swore to the heavens above that he could just listen to that all day long.

“I love you.”

“I...I know,” you replied. The words were just barely above a whisper, but he heard you like they were loud and clear. “I know.”

“The shit that just happened,” he began, though a short pause followed as he struggled to find the right words. “I understand if that’s a lot for ya to take in. If you need some space, please tell me. But there’s somethin’ that I need to know.” Another pause, this time longer, and the anxiety was driving you mad. “Do you think you can give me chance?” ‘Would you let me love you?’ he wanted to add, but what he asked would be enough for now.

Silence followed his question immediately. It was deafening for Atsumu and he suddenly wanted to tell you to just pretend that didn’t happen.

You then understood what Atsumu was feeling just moments ago, because you also started experiencing the state of unrest, confusion, and uncertainty. You were aware that whatever decision you’d arrive at might cost you your friendship again - it was frightening, to say the least.

“Can you give me time?” you finally replied. “I don’t wanna rush to an answer, ‘Tsumu. You don’t deserve that. I want to think about this carefully.”

Atsumu was sure that he was about to drown in happiness at the idea of you considering his feelings. A smile broke past his lips and he answered, “‘course.”

It wasn’t much, but it was still something that he could hold on to.

  
  


-

  
  


“So, let me get this straight: your extremely hot childhood best friend, who wa--- _is_ in love with you for a long time now, just confessed and asked you out?” your friend, Rina, summarized after you told her what’s been bothering you during one of your study breaks. “No wonder you’ve been so out of it lately!”

You nodded before plopping the side of your head on the cluttered table. “I’m bein’ cautious ‘bout it, but I’ve been runnin’ in circle for days now!” 

“What’s keeping you? It’s been so long since your last relationship, you know? This is your chance to spice up your life, (Name)!” The last sentence was said in so much excitement as though Rina was close to discovering a cure for some kind of disease. 

“It ain’t that easy! I want to give him a chance. I really do! But he’s my best friend,” you groaned. “What will happen if this doesn’t work out? Will we grow apart again?”

“So you’re scared?”

“‘Course!”

Rina sighed. Her right hand made its way to yours before giving it a gentle squeeze. “Fear is natural. Though I want you to remember that you and Miya-san are in this together. Pretty sure he’s scared as you are.”

Your friend’s advice reverberated in your mind for what it seemed like forever. You kinda hated yourself for taking quite a while to account for the fact that it probably took Atsumu all the courage that he could garner before accepting the risks that entailed his confession. If all goes south, heaven forbid they do, you wouldn’t just lose him, he’d also lose you - temporarily or forever, you didn’t want to know.

“Hey, let me ask you something,” you heard Rina say, making you lift your head to face her. “Are you actually interested?”

“Can’t say I’m not,” you admitted with a small smile. It was true. Though it was quite abrupt, you could feel the butterflies in your stomach from time to time whenever you remember how Atsumu looked at you and held you that night. That together with the fact that he’s in love with you would sometimes make you feel giddy. 

“Then there’s your answer. You deserve a chance, (Name). Not just him.”

  
  


-

  
  
  


Practice had already resumed and it was brutal as usual. Atsumu felt that he was already out of shape because Osamu kept on cooking scrumptious food during his little break and he just couldn’t afford to not eat them. His brother even prepared meals for him that would probably last him a week or two (when he mentioned it in passing, Bokuto started pestering the setter about giving him some).

“Atsumu-san, Bokuto-san and I are planning to shop for new training clothes this Saturday. Wanna come?” Hinata invited him as they were packing their bags.

“Yeah, Tsum-tsum, didn’t you say you want to get new shorts for training?” Bokuto reminded him.

Atsumu was actually planning to just spend the weekend lazing around, but finally getting new training clothes didn’t sound bad, either. However, just as he was about to answer, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. There were two messages. From you. Weeks after his confession. It shook him to the core, both anxiety and excitement flowing through his veins as if they were blood.

‘ _Hi, ‘Tsumu! Are you free on Saturday? My friend told me about a new sushi restaurant in Kobe. She said their fatty tuna is to die for!_ ’

‘ _What do you say? My treat._ ’

‘‘ _bout time ya fulfill that promise :) ._ ’ he instantaneously texted back.

It was as exhilarating as breathing in fresh air and seeing light after reaching the end of a long tunnel. It was like witnessing perennials grow on land that was thought to be dead. Atsumu felt as though he was reborn as soon as he realized that he was given a chance to show his love for you and that was more than enough. He never knew that the universe could be this kind. Gratitude bloomed in his chest and it was a wonderful feeling - he made sure to remember it.

“I’m sorry, Shouyou-kun, Bokkun. I already have plans for the weekend.”


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing Atsumu did was to say “thank you.”

You two arrived in Kobe at exactly 10:30 AM and you were thankful that the lunch rush was still more than an hour away. The restaurant your friend recommended wasn’t particularly packed, yet it did have a few people dining in already. Upon entering the place, the gaze of some of the customers and staff members didn’t go unnoticed as you felt like your moves being observed, although you knew that they weren’t particularly watching you, rather it was your companion who they were interested in. That did not stop you from becoming a little more aware of your surroundings, though.

“Is it always like this?” you inquired as soon as the waiter left your table after taking your orders, voice on the softer side of the volume spectrum.

“Like what?” Atsumu replied as he put down the menu, his eyes making contact with yours.

“You know, like...do people usually stare at you this much?”

Atsumu chuckled at your question and you threw him a glare immediately. “Sorry. You’re the last person I expected to ask that kind of thing considerin’ all the fan problems we’ve caused you back then.”

You rolled your eyes at his answer as a flashback of all those noisy fangirls you had to deal with appeared in your mind momentarily. “Yeah they were a pain, but this feels different in a way. I mean, they aren’t just hormonal teenagers anymore.”

“I know, I know. But to answer your question, not all the time, to be honest. There are times when no one would recognize me at all. Are ya feelin’ uncomfortable?”

The sudden shift of his expression from playful to concerned brought heat to your cheeks as you found it hard to maintain eye contact with him. You knew that Atsumu was just being a good friend when he asked you that question, however, the confession that happened weeks ago made you a little more conscious about every interaction with him, to say the least. 

“No, not really. Now that you’ve mentioned it, this didn’t really happen when we were at that Bar in Umeda, did it?” He responded with a nod. “I will probably get used to this sooner or later, don’t worry,” you smiled reassuringly and you felt your shoulders relaxing as the worry in his face slowly went away, although it was replaced by a mischievous expression. You braced yourself for whatever was coming next.

“Oh? So I can expect a second or probably third date then? Or y’know, hopefully more?” There was a teasing glint in his eyes and it was enough for you to feel your temperature rising - if due to irritation or embarrassment, you didn’t know (you guessed it was probably a mix of both).

“O-of course!” stuttered, the glare from earlier returning as soon as you found the strength to look at Atsumu again. “This takes time! You know that! It will be unfair for you if this will just be a one time thing, you shit.”

To your surprise, Atsumu started blushing like crazy as well, his right hand soon covering his face to hide his sudden bashfulness. “No fair! You’re not allowed to be cheesy like that,” he groaned. “I’m the one who is supposed to make you fall in love, remember?”

However, before you could even say something (not that you actually had a decent counter in mind), the waiter already came back with your food, the smell of the gyudon you ordered wafting through the room right away. Atsumu looked at the fatty tuna he ordered like a five-year old getting candy, eyes brimming with so much excitement. It was adorable.

The conversation moments ago was soon forgotten as the two of you focused on the food in front. Only halfway through his platter, Atsumu called for the waiter again to place another order of the fatty tuna (with your permission, of course) because your friend was right - it was really to die for.

“You seem to love the food here already. Guess our trip to Kobe is already worthwhile, huh?” you asked as you watched him stuff his cheeks with food like a squirrel. Atsumu was really enjoying it and it kinda reminded you of how Osamu was during lunch breaks during high school, especially whenever he happened to love what’s in his packed lunch (which occurred really often). Said Miya twin was apparently in Nagoya, fixing papers for the Onigiri Miya branch in the city. You were hoping to see him even just for a short while since it’s also been months since you two have last gotten together, though you figured out that you could arrange a meetup with him when he’s less busy some other time.

“What do you mean? This is just a bonus. Goin’ here is already worth it cuz I got to go here with you.”

“Oh my god, ‘Tsumu, your taste in pickup lines is still the same?” you teased, stifling a laugh as a pout formed on Atsumu’s lips. “I’m sorry. Pretty sure you still remember how cringy the ones you used back in high school were.”

“Ya really have to bring that up now?”

You laughed as he continued complaining about how he felt like the world was against him with all the teasing that you’ve been doing for the past hour. You tried to ignore the urge to pinch Atsumu’s cheeks because he did nothing but to act like a cute five-year old ever since you two arrived at the restaurant. Atsumu was known for having a very strong personality, always the intimidating jerk who had the tendency to chew people out for screwing up. Oh how you wish that they also knew that this monster of a setter also had a side like this.

-

It was a little past three in the afternoon when you and Atsumu entered the peaceful Sorakuen Garden. It was one of your favorite places to visit when you were still living in the prefecture, appreciating the existence of a place so serene in the middle of a bustling city. Nostalgia washed over you as you strolled aimlessly around the site. Years may have passed, yet the place still had the same effect on you: it still brought you the familiar tranquility that you often sought for whenever you felt like drowning in everything that’s happening around you.

It was nice. Being there again was nice.

“I expected to see a crowd when we got here, to be honest,” Atsumu said, interrupting your quiet time unknowingly.

“Yeah. We got lucky, I guess?” you replied as you headed for the vacant bench situated near the pond. 

Atsumu followed suit, soon occupying the space beside you. He noticed that you were staring off into a distance and decided to give you some peace for now, figuring out that you were probably thinking about so many things now that you finally visited one of the places that you have held very dear. Back in middle school, Atsumu never seemed to understand why you were so attached to a tourist attraction that tended to be busy, but it was some time during the start of your sophomore year in high school when he finally had the guts to ask you why.

(“Why do you like that place so much anyway?” he asked after you mentioned that you were planning to visit the garden after your classes since practice was cancelled for the day. He didn’t expect you to decline his invitation to swing by the newly opened ice cream parlor near Inarizaki High.

“It’s quiet there whenever it’s near closing time already. It’s nice to be able to unwind after a stressful week of classes, dontcha think?” you replied as you put your things inside your backpack. “Besides, the place is special to me. It’s one of the first places your family has taken me to when we were still new here. I had fun that day even though you did nothing but be a bitch to Osamu. Not that you remember that day, anyway.” You started heading towards the door of your classroom, checking your phone for the time. Your last period ended quite early so you weren’t particularly in a hurry to get to the garden. However, your exit was blocked by Atsumu, who, of course, earned him a glare from you in return. “What?”

“I’ll come with you.”

“You don’t have to. Didn’t you want to check the ice cream place out?”

“Yeah, but it’s no fun if I’m alone!”

“Drag ‘Samu with you then.”

“‘Samu’s not fun to be with. Anyway, c’mon. We have to catch the next bus!”)

Minutes started to pass by, however, oddly enough, Atsumu didn’t find the repose boring. The afternoon breeze caressed his exposed skin with tenderness he had not felt for a while and it was enough to put an end to his trance. His gaze soon fell on your side profile, watching you admire the scenery in front of you. He was absolutely sure that Kyoto was not devoid of such, although maybe that just proved how much you really treasured the place. The warmth on his skin soon reached his chest, the familiar fondness knocking on the door to his heart. It felt nice.

-

It was a little past seven in the evening when you arrived in front of your grandparents’ house. You insisted for Atsumu to stay over for dinner, but he explained that as much as he wanted to, he suddenly received a text from Hinata, asking if he can swing by the Jackals’ dormitory to do some reviews on their plays.

“I understand. Thanks for today, ‘Tsumu. I really enjoyed our little trip.” You started removing your seatbelt, though there was a slight hesitation in your movements. “Text me when you get home, yeah?”

Just as you were about to open the door of his car, you were put to a stop, Atsumu’s hand finding itself on top of yours. You raised an eyebrow at his action, but you decided to be patient.

“I-- well--Thank you, too,” he said, the grip of his hand on yours starting to relax. “Not just for this day, but also for, y’know, giving this a shot.” _For giving me a chance_. You couldn’t help but smile at him, the unexpected expression of gratitude giving a soft tug at your heartstrings. You were almost upset when he finally let go of you, the sudden absence of warmth only left you wanting more. You could only hope Atsumu didn’t notice this. “I’ll text you when I get home.”

  
  


-

The second Atsumu did was to make you feel like you were seventeen again.

And it was funny because you never knew you needed to feel like that until a random weekend in Kyoto. Atsumu just had a two-day shoot in Otsu for a magazine and would have an interview two days after, still in the same city. Since he didn’t have anything in particular planned until then, he didn’t hesitate to ask if you were free to have dinner with him. As if the gods were smiling upon you, your first wave of exams had just finished, making the next few days relatively free compared to the previous week’s schedule. You urged Atsumu to spend the first day of his mini break resting which he happily obliged to because all the wardrobe changes, makeup retouches, and idle chit chat with whoever was near him had drained the hell out of him.

You arrived a few minutes late to your meeting place since you were caught up in the evening rush hour. It’s been a while since you’ve last run, so when you arrived in front of Atsumu, you were panting, one hand clutching tightly on the straps of your tote while the other one of your bent knee. You didn’t even notice how Atsumu looked so good in his short-sleeve brown button down shirt, which was tucked loosely into his pants, until your eyes traveled to the tiny exposed area of his chest, giving you a slight glimpse of those well-defined pecs. Your eyes couldn’t help but give him a quick scan from head to toe. 

“You okay?” Atsumu asked, taking a step towards you. “You look quite...tired,” he commented as he inspected your face, noting the stray strands of hair sticking out at the side of your head.

“I-I’m---” you didn’t even get to finish your sentence as you suddenly found Atsumu so close to you, his right hand tucking the said strands of hair behind your ear. You felt your cheeks burning up and you were sure that it was not caused by the small marathon that you had run to get to your meeting place. “I was running late so I had to do some sprints to get here,” you explained, hoping that it would make the worry on Atsumu’s face vanish. “I’m fine, really.”

It took a couple of more minutes for you to convince him that it was nothing to worry about, though you decided that it would be best for him to not know that your heart was racing because of how handsome he looked in his casual attire and the tiny gesture he just pulled off, simply repeating what you said earlier and adding, “I didn’t want to make you wait too long.”

“That’s sweet of ya,” he beamed and you initially thought that he said that just to tease you, however, the tone of his voice didn’t even suggest any chaffing, instead it held so much appreciation enough for the heat to return in your cheeks. “Let’s go?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

During the walk, however, you noticed Atsumu started feeling a little restless, his eyes shifting from you to the sidewalk to you again. To say that you were bothered would be an understatement.

“‘Tsumu, is there something wrong?” you inquired, leading him to the side to make way for the other passers-by. Atsumu couldn’t look at you in the eye and it only fueled your curiosity and concern. “Hey, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“(Name), c-can I,” he stammered before pausing to take a deep breath. “I want to hold your hand. Can I hold your hand?” he finally uttered, his question surprising the hell out of you.

Your gaze at him softened, your heart swelling at the fact that he just asked for consent to hold your hand. It was almost too wholesome. “Sure,” you replied as you offered your hand to him.

Atsumu gently took it into his own, his fingers finding their way into the spaces between yours. You noticed that he was still quite stiff, probably nervous, too, and so you gave his hand a light squeeze, you thumb softly drawing circles on his skin. Soon enough, he started relaxing under your touch.

“Always wondered what your hand would feel like when they’re in mine,” he started, “I guessed that it would probably feel nice, but I didn’t expect that it would be _this_ nice.”

You felt lightheaded at his confession, the giddiness close to overwhelming you. Your heart was racing again. The specific rush of emotions was not supposed to be new for you have encountered them for many times already in the past - you knew them like the back of your hand - yet they never failed to make you always become so breathless and the fact that Atsumu was starting to make you feel this proved that things were, indeed, changing. The realization made you shiver. Those silly butterflies were at it again and you just let them.

  
  


-

The third thing Atsumu did was to upset you.

It’s not like he did it on purpose, no. He just really wanted to see you. It’s been a little more than a month since you two last went out and so when you texted him a week ago about going home to Osaka for the weekend. However, it was as if the universe was conspiring against him because on the day of the set date, he started feeling a little under the weather. It didn’t stop him from attending his morning practice, though.

“I swear to god, Miya. If you do not get out of the gym in ten seconds, I will spike all these balls straight to your face,” Sakusa threatened from a safe distance. He was dead serious about it, everyone knew.

“Oh c'mon, Omi-kun, being around me won’t kill ya--- ”

“Miya,” Meian called, cutting the setter off. The captain placed the back of his hand on Atsumu’s forehead and sighed. “You have a mild fever. Go home and be sure to eat a proper meal and drink medicine.”

“But cap---”

“I’ll ask one of the managers to drive you back.” The stern expression in Meian’s face made Atsumu’s resolve waver a bit, a frown making its way on his face. The captain sighed again. “Look, just take the day off, okay? We don’t want that mild fever to get any worse.”

He immediately recalled that incident in high school when Kita also did the same thing to him. There’s no way he could win and so with that, Atsumu finally resigned. 

“We can practice our quicks next time, Atsumu-san!” Hinata chirped in the hopes of making Atsumu better. “So please rest for now!”

“And don’t hesitate to let us know if you need something,” Inunaki reminded as the blond started making his way back to the locker room.

“Get well soon, Tsum-tsum!”

-

The sound of his phone ringing was what woke Atsumu up. He felt his head throbbing and his whole body burning. His room was completely dark, save for the tiny spot where the moonlight made its way through his bedroom window.

Where the hell was that goddamn phone?

It took him a couple more seconds to finally find it. He was having a hard time focusing on the caller ID due to the grogginess, so he just decided to answer the call and hope that he could identify who the caller was by hearing their voice. 

“Hello?” he said, voice raspy.

“‘Tsumu? Hi. I’m here already. You runnin’ late?”

Upon realizing that it was you, Atsumu sat up, his body aching in the process. 

“I---No---I’m not---Well, yeah...” he admitted. He started cursing himself as he attempted to stand up. “I took the day off cuz I wasn’t feelin’ well earlier, but I---”

“You’re sick?” you asked, the volume of your voice rising on the other line. It almost made Atsumu wince. “No wonder your voice is like that!”

“I’m feelin’ better now,” he lied as he made his way to his closet. “Can you give me 15 minutes? I’ll meet you---”

“No, stay where you are.”

“Huh? What do you mean? What about dinner?”

“Miya Atsumu, you ain’t gonna set foot outside your condo tonight, you hear? I’m heading to your place right now. Tell the front desk that you’re expectin’ a visitor.”

“You don’t have to---”

“Nope. I’m comin’ over.” There was a finality in your tone. Atsumu knew he also couldn't win this one.

-

As much Atsumu wanted to savor every spoon of his hot okayu, he couldn’t concentrate on it, not with you watching him like a hawk eyeing its next prey. He took a sip of his ginger tea, feeling some kind relief as the liquid went down his throat. After he finally finished his meal, you handed him the aspirin tablet you saw on his bar counter before taking his used dishes and heading straight to his kitchen sink. You haven’t spoken to him ever since you arrived at his unit and the silent treatment was killing him.

After drinking his medicine, he followed you to the kitchen and saw you washing the dishes. Atsumu waited for you to finish before speaking.

“Are ya mad?” he asked, his eyes failing to meet yours when you finally turned around to face him. 

You let out an exasperated grown and answered, “I’m not mad, ‘Tsumu. I’m just upset.”

“I’m sorry for forgetting about---”

“No! That’s not it. I’m not upset because you forgot about the date, really.” Your answer only brought confusion to Atsumu (which became really evident on his face). “I’m upset because you didn’t tell me that you’re not feeling well any earlier. I’m upset because you even tried to still meet me despite your condition.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t you give me that ‘oh,’ mister. I still can’t believe you attempted to lie earlier! Didja really think that I’d want to push through with our date after findin’ out that you’re sick? It doesn’t even take a med student to know!”

“I’m sorry---”

“Enough. It’s okay. I know you are, yeah?” you said, voice finally softening as you started pushing him out of the kitchen. “Off to bed you go, you big baby. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Atsumu was speechless and just followed your instructions, pulling his duvet over his lower body as soon as he got on his bed.

You entered his bedroom with a bottle of water and a thermometer in hand. You gently placed the items on his nightstand and took a seat on the side of his bed. After taking his temperature, a sign of relief escaped your lips.

“Didn’t you say your body temperature earlier was 38 degrees?” He nodded. “It’s 37.5 now,” you smiled as you put down the instrument once again. “Be sure to rest up, okay? You’re a professional volleyball player and you know more than anyone else how important it is to stay healthy. Promise me this won’t happen again, please?”

Atsumu looked at you in the eye, his heart pounding like crazy in his chest. Your plea made his guilt a lot worse, making it hard for him to find the strength to utter words. For the umpteenth time that evening, he answered you with a nod. 

“You should probably go back to sleep, ‘Tsumu. I’ll just cook some tonjiru for ya,” you instructed once again as you got up from the space you occupied beside him.

“You don’t really hafta---”

“I insist, ‘Tsumu. Just...” A pause. The storm inside of you finally calmed down as you finally found the right words to tell him. “...just let me look after you.” You weren’t upset anymore. The disappointment from earlier was replaced by the urge to take care of him and that known fondness you’ve been feeling for quite some time now. “‘Kay?”

“...okay.”

“Good night, ‘Tsumu.”

“Good night.”

-

The fourth thing Atsumu did was to tell an unspoken truth.

You agreed to go shopping with Atsumu because earlier that week, he kept on whining during one of those late-night calls (that have been happening quite frequently now) about how he yet again forgot some of his training clothes in Hyogo. 

Coming out of the restroom, you made your way to your meeting place: the nearest bench to their locker room. It’s not your first time meeting him after one of their training sessions, in fact, the team and their staff were actually starting to get used to your presence due to the occasional sitting in during practice whenever you had something planned with Atsumu after. Their managers, in particular, were really accommodating and the players would always greet you and even initiate some small talk from time to time. The warmth they make you feel never failed to remind you of your days as a manager of Inarizaki’s volleyball team. It was a pleasant feeling.

You were a few steps away from the main hallway when you were suddenly welcomed by familiar voices - they were Bokuto’s and Atsumu’s. You guessed that the others were still probably taking showers or changing their clothes. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, however, the emptiness of the place made it easier to hear their conversation.

“So, are you and (Name)-chan official already, Tsum-tsum?” Bokuto inquired and you immediately froze, your breath hitched. “You two have been going on dates for what...almost four months now, right?”

There was a nervous laugh from Atsumu. You figured out that it was probably best to just walk away and wait for a little bit before coming back, even so, a part of you wanted to know how Atsumu would answer the question. Because really, what’s the state of your relationship with him now? You were aware that you two have long crossed the friendship boundary, though you’d be lying if you say that at that very moment, you were sure of your feelings towards your childhood friend. It was just really...complicated, to say the least.

“Ah, no, I haven’t really asked her ‘bout that yet,” Atsumu replied. “If anything, I’m still thankful that she’s still givin’ me a chance. Figured out this won’t be easy, anyway. Pretty sure she knows that, too.”

Your heart sank ever so slightly, but what he said was true. You both knew that because some kinds of love take time. They weren’t always like those shown in fairytales. There were instances, too, when the love you hold for someone just doesn’t grow anymore regardless of all the attempts to nurture it. That kind of love scared you the most and it’s definitely not the one you want to offer to Atsumu.

“Awww, cheer up Tsum-tsum. She looks like she’s really, _really_ having a fun time whenever she’s with you, though,” you heard Bokuto say and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, the heaviness in your chest slowly vanishing, because he was right. There were times when you just wished that time would slow down whenever you were with Atsumu for the reason that his company was easy and comfortable.

“Ya think so?”

“I know so! So don’t worry that much!”

-

The fifth thing Atsumu did was to get into your head.

It’s not like it was your first time thinking about him while you were in the middle of some random study session, no, of course not. Yet for some reason, you were missing him a tad too much and it was starting to irritate you because you couldn’t concentrate on the lecture that you were reviewing.

You then gave up, lowering your laptop screen, deciding to just take a little break because all you’ve been doing was to run in circles for the past hour or so. After throwing yourself on your bed, you reached out for your phone and went to your camera roll. You scanned through some of your recent photos and saw one of the many stolen pictures of Atsumu that you took during your mini shopping trip a week ago. You smiled at the memory of that weekend. It was a pleasant date and you may have had a little too much fun. Your lips then curved downward as you realized that it was probably the cause of the sudden longing. 

You ended up going through the other photos from your dates, finding yourself adoring each captured moment as you relived the memories in your head. There was a particular photo of Atsumu smiling with ice cream cones in hand - black sesame for you and matcha for him. You stared at him lovingly as you let out an elated sigh. Atsumu was gorgeous, you had always known - heck, the man has a dedicated fan club when he ever since high school - however, it was only recently when that fact started to have an effect on you. He reminded you of a field full of daffodils and irises, made you feel warm like sunlight touching your skin. He was just really _beautiful_.

The ever familiar heat started rushing to your cheeks and ears and all you could do was bury your face in your pillow in order to muffle the scream of frustration. ‘You were supposed to distract yourself from Atsumu, not daydream about him!’ you reprimanded yourself as you faced the ceiling to get a breath of fresh air. 

You contemplated.

...and contemplated.

‘Okay, that’s it, (Name).’ 

You decided to text him.

-

The sixth thing Atsumu did was to take another chance.

You were watching the sun as it started to set from your hotel room when you heard a knock on your door. You guessed that it was probably Atsumu since he earlier asked you if you wanted to take a walk on the shore before going to the seaside restaurant he made a reservation at.

“Hey,” he greeted as soon as you opened the door. “Still up for that walk?”

“Of course!” you replied with glee.

You still couldn’t believe that you were in Shirahama for a weekend trip. You remembered just mentioning it in passing during a phone call, saying that Hinata’s stories from when he was still training in Brazil made you miss the beach. At first, you thought that Atsumu was just joking when he said that he was already on his laptop browsing through potential accommodation, but then he started asking you about your schedule and suggesting things to do and that’s when you realized that he was dead serious about a weekend trip to the beach. Not that you were complaining, though.

-

The hem of your white sundress swayed ever so slightly as you sauntered along the shore, your eyes never leaving the horizon. Atsumu was just beside you, his gaze shifting from your intertwined fingers to your face from time to time. The soft glow of the setting sun dusted the side of your face and all Atsumu could think about was you were too beautiful and it was probably already too much for him to handle.

You both walked in peace for a couple of minutes, the soft sound of the waves crashing filling in for the silence. His mind drifted back to the past six months, finding it hard to believe that he was actually in this very moment: you walking with him hand in hand, the gentle sea breeze brushing his skin, the sand keeping him grounded, the sun kissing the day goodbye. It was almost perfect.

Almost.

Because while Atsumu did try and want to be content about this, there was a certain kind of hunger inside of him, pushing him to do more and be more. For the longest time in years, he did his best to ignore the urges of that hunger because the fact that you’re still around was supposed to be enough for now. He wanted it to be enough, even just for now. However seeing how far he’s come - how far both of you have come - he just couldn’t help but wonder if it’s already time for that extra push, for another jump, for another risk. The curiosity scared him down to his bones. 

-

Dinner was splendid. The food was scrumptious, the service was excellent, and the outdoor ambience was just flawless. A little after you finished your desserts, a man with a saxophone came up to the once empty stage. It didn’t take him long to catch everyone’s attention, especially with how he skillfully started playing the instrument, each note captivating the listeners like a siren’s song. Some people started making their way to the empty space in the middle, their partners tagging along. Atsumu heard you sigh lovingly as you watched them swaying along a rendition of ‘Wouldn’t Mean A Thing’ by Bruno Major.

Standing up, he made his way to your side of the table. There was a softness in the way you observed the people on the dancefloor that made Atsumu’s heart start fluttering uncontrollably like a broken metronome. “May I have this dance?” he asked, holding out his hand to you.

With a smile, you offered yours to him, answering, “certainly, Miya-san.”

You two found yourselves at a spot quite far from the stage and the rest of the people dancing and even so, Atsumu thought it was okay since you could still hear the beautiful melody from the sax mixed with the mellow crashing of the waves from the nearby shore and it was okay for the reason that there was still a sense of privacy in a way, something he noticed you appreciated every now and then.

As his hands found themselves on your hips, yours started snaking their way to his shoulders and soon resting comfortably on the back of his neck. For the first few minutes, you danced to the slow beat wordlessly, only basking in each other’s presence. Atsumu never took his eyes off you and you did the same. He looked at you with overflowing tenderness and adoration, probably enough for you to drown in. His heart was beating in a celestial rhythm that contrasted the languid movements of your bodies. Atsumu thought it seemed like that very instant was specifically made for the both of you, like you two were born to experience that very moment. It was magical and Atsumu was dying to know if you felt the same.

“Why do you always look at me like that?” you asked, voice filled with so much innocence and curiosity.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m some sort of angel.”

Atsumu found himself leaning in ever so slightly, as if whatever he was going to tell you was a secret that only you should know. “Because it’s the only way I know how.” He waited for a retort, yet it never came, instead, your left hand found the side of his face, cupping it with a gentle touch that sent shockwaves throughout his system. Atsumu realized that he was being drawn to you once again and the force pulling him was something to be reckoned with. You reminded him of constellations and mayflowers and soft piano music and moonlight. You were so beautiful and he could not stop himself from leaning in a little bit more, could not stop himself from falling in love deeper and deeper, could not stop himself from taking another chance. Wanting to move forward meant risks and risks may mean rejection and pain and suffering, however risks also may entail new beginnings and promises and growth. Atsumu wanted the latter badly and so he decided to take a gamble. 

“Y’know, if you don’t stop me now, I might actually kiss you,” he whispered, his lips ghosting over yours.

“And what if I tell you that I actually want you to?” you asked, your hot breath fanning over his skin. You could feel the distance between your faces diminishing once more.

“Then there’s not point of holdin’ back anymore.”

And with that, his lips were on your quivering ones, his strong arms pulling you closer, as if you were going to disappear any second from now. It made him almost tremble. But when you started moving your lips along with his and began caressing his cheek with your soothing touch, he realized that it wasn’t the case because you were still there and you were still kissing him. There were no fireworks involved, no turbulence, no roller coaster. Instead, the kiss brought him tranquility, bliss, answers to years old questions, and a start of something new. You tasted like a wonderful dream. Peaceful. Comforting. Heavenly.

It was all worth it.

-

Before calling it a night, Atsumu kissed you again in front of your hotel room and asked you if he could still do the same in the morning. You chuckled and promised him that he’d get all the kisses that he wants if he’d let you sleep already. And with that, he bid you goodnight (with one last kiss, of course). 

After washing up, you heard your phone chiming. There was a series of text messages from Atsumu.

‘ _Just so we’re on the same page._ ’

‘ _We’re official now, right?_ ’

_‘Like y’know a real couple or something like that?’_

  
  


-

The seventh thing Atsumu did was to remember.

The sound of your phone vibrating on your desk was starting to get on your nerves and you were so close to telling the person who was texting you to leave you alone. The night was still young, but you were really behind your assigned readings in your Pharmacology class (this wasn’t supposed to be the case, however, you ended up sleeping until 2 PM after getting home from a 7-9 AM make up lecture). So as much as you did not want to, you grabbed your mobile phone from the other side of your table to check who the hell was interrupting your precious study time.

It was Atsumu.

Opening your messaging app, you decided to ignore the other unopened messages and went straight to your thread with Atsumu.

_‘Weren't they a favorite of yours back in middle school?’_ his first message said, a photo of a familiar sign attached to it. You nearly gasped as you recognized what it was - it’s that bakery you used to go to almost every weekend in Kobe. You remembered being so sad when they closed down during your first year in high school. 

_‘Yeah! I didn’t know they had other branches. Where is that?’_ you replied. You couldn't help but smile at the fact that Atsumu thought of you after seeing it. It may be a little thing, even so, it meant a lot to you. 

_‘They just opened their branch in Amerikamura last week. Figured out you wouldn't know just yet.’_

_‘I really miss their cream puffs! I hope I can buy some next time I go home.’_

_‘Thanks for telling me, ‘Tsumu!’_

_‘Talk to you later. Still have readings to do.’_

-

The sun was about to set when you decided to finally take a break from being an oh-so diligent student. Standing up, you began doing stretches, the relief washing over you as you felt your tense muscles slowly start to relax. Making your way to your kitchen, you decided to make yourself a cup of tea, wanting some caffeine in your system. You still had a couple of pages to go for the reading and some planning to do for your paper due the week after. 

The subtle smell of the spices in your chai tea was filling your little space and you couldn’t help but close your eyes, a pleasant sigh escaping your lips. You rummaged through your refrigerator and cupboards to see what sweet snack you could pair the tea with. You had a box of assorted cookies you bought from the bakery near campus, lemon squares you got from a friend, and a slice of strawberry shortcake your dad brought you earlier that week when he went to Kyoto for a patient. You decided to go for the cake since it’s the oldest among all the sweets, so you figured that it would probably be best to get rid of it as soon as possible. However, the moment you were about to reach for your ever trusty saucer, your phone began ringing in your pocket. It was Atsumu. Again.

“Are ya in your place?” he asked right off the bat.

“Hello to you, too, mister. And yep, I am. Why?”

“I’m on the way there.”

“W-what?” you asked, baffled. You even nearly dropped the fork you were holding with your other hand.

“I said, ‘I’m on my way there,’ so don’t ya go out, ‘kay?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re going to be here? And wait! Are you driving? And you’re talking to me? Never mind. I’m hanging up.”

“Hey! Don’t---”

You didn’t let him finish. The calm atmosphere was long gone as you stared at your phone in disbelief. Atsumu was a lot of things and a man full of surprises was indeed one of them.

_‘The stop light’s on, y’know!’_

_‘I didn’t call you while I was driving!’_

_“Anyway, see ya in a few minutes.”_

-

“Explain,” you demanded, arms crossed over your chest.

“I wanted to surprise you. Was hopin’ to deliver the cream puffs to you and then maybe eat dinner together then I’m off.” There was a pout on Atsumu’s lips and you did your best to not get affected by it. Nope. Not today.

“You did a great job surprisin’ me, to be honest. Five stars for you. But really, why?”

“When ya said that you were doin’ your readings, I thought that you might want some food to help you with your study session,” he answered, finally meeting your eyes. “It’s been years since you’ve had one of these cream puffs and I know that you’ve been studyin’ your ass off for the past weeks, so I wanted to give ya a treat.”

You finally let go of your facade, taking the spot beside him on your couch. He could really be the purest at times. “‘Tsumu, Osaka isn’t exactly a ten-minute walk from Kyoto. And what if I wasn’t home? What would you do? I don’t want you drivin’ to and fro just to surprise me like this.” You placed your hand on top of his, your thumb gently caressing his skin, a silent apology for welcoming him into your apartment in such a stern manner. “I really appreciate you doin’ this, I really do! I missed you so much, you have no idea and I’m so happy to finally see you. But please don’t do this again. I want you to get as much rest as possible during your days off. Promise me?”

“Promise.” He then interlaced his fingers with yours, bringing the back of your hand to his lips for a soft kiss. “And I missed ya, too, angel.”

You smiled at his gesture. You knew it’s also his way of saying sorry for what happened. “Now, do you want delivery or some home-cooked meal by yours truly?”

“The second option, please.”

-

The eighth thing Atsumu did was to forget. Again.

It was simple math, really. One plus one equals two. Two times two times one hundred times another hundred is forty thousand. One thing led to another and what you eventually had was a chest filled with ignored emotions - well, they were ignored until that one rainy evening in Osaka.

The waiter had refilled your glass with water for the third time already and you were already seeing red. Atsumu still wasn’t answering his phone despite already being an hour late to your scheduled date. You were really about to lose it when finally, Hinata replied to your message.

_‘Practice ended early today! We’re having a movie night at Atsumu-san’s apartment right now.’_

Okay, maybe you were about to lose it after all. Without any warning, you dialed Hinata’s number. Tears were already threatening to roll down your cheeks, but one thing college had taught you was how to postpone your breakdowns. You never knew you’d have to use it outside the university setting so soon. 

“(Name)-san! Hello!” Hinata greeted. You could already hear the rowdy voices in the background. They seemed to be arguing on which movie to watch first.

“Hi, Hinata-kun. May I speak with Atsumu? I’ve been trying to contact him for an hour already, you see.” Your voice was shaking, but you couldn’t care less if Hinata was able to notice it or not.

“Sure!” he replied with his usual chirpy voice. “Atsumu-san, (Name)-san wants to talk to you.”

“Hey---”

“You know, if you were planning to ditch me from the start, you shouldn’t have asked if we could reschedule this date for the third time. And it only takes one text message to tell me in advance that you could not make it. Is that really too much to ask from you?”

And with that, you hang up.

It was only a little past 7 PM. You informed your mother that you wouldn’t be coming home anymore. 

-

You were silent during the whole train ride to Kyoto. Your phone kept ringing and chiming, but you didn’t bother to take a peek of who it was. Your parents were probably worried, but you didn’t know if you already had the strength to explain what just happened.

The shower you took was nice and hot. You put on an oversized shirt and your favorite pajama shorts. After throwing yourself on your bed, you finally decided to let it all go. The suppressed emotions you’ve been keeping locked in were finally let out in the form of a loud sob. It really hurt.

Your mind reeled back to a little over three months prior, when you felt like Atsumu was being distant. You remember asking him over and over if something was wrong and over and over, he told you that everything was fine. You knew he was hiding something from you, however, you didn’t want to force him if he didn’t want to talk about it yet, and so you let it go.

Then came the unreplied messages. It’s not like you required him to talk to you 24/7, no, of course not. You knew that he was a busy person and his life didn’t revolve around you and you respected that. But every once in a while, you still wanted to know if he was doing fine. You were very familiar of how it is to live alone, of how it is to have no one to remind you to eat three times a day, to get at least seven to eight hours of sleep each night, and of how it is to want to have someone to talk to when something was weighing your chest heavily. You knew them really well and you knew Atsumu really well. There were times when he’d push and push and push himself to do something until he’s left with nothing.You just really, really wanted to know if he was still doing fine. Yet you never really got answers. 

The forgotten date became the last straw. You could never quantify how frustrated you were. You knew you should have decided against it when he suggested to reschedule it yet again. It had been like that for the past weeks. You did you best to be understanding, however, it became a losing game of tug of war. You waited and waited and waited until you were left with nothing. Was it a lapse in judgement on your part? The taste of dejection and regret and rage was bitter on your tongue.

Your cries reverberated in your room as your heart burned in your chest, the smoke filling your lungs. You let it be. It was the consequence of bottling everything up until that night. Words were double-edged swords and emotions have always been the best whetstones. Choose them wisely and you’ll be safe, do the opposite and you’ll only invite pain. Anger got the best of you and so you had said what you said. The ache flowed through your veins like murder. You allowed it even if it was damaging you. And you allowed it because there’s nothing you could do.

-

Two weeks had already passed ever since that unfortunate event. Life went on for you - it’s not like you had the luxury to deal with your emotions for a long time, anyway. You had lectures to attend, books to read, papers to write, exams to pass. You were fully aware that you wouldn’t survive a week in college had you chosen to get stuck in that sorry state. 

The cold wind was a little harsh against you and it didn’t become safe from your string of curses. The coat you were wearing was suddenly not enough to keep you warm, but you were a few meters away from your apartment complex, anyway, so you decided to just pick up the pace.

Lists had always helped you organize whatever was needed to be tended to. The elevator ride to the sixth floor of your apartment building was taking forever for some reason and so you decided to make a mental note of stuff that you’d do for the rest of the evening.

  * Check emails. The last time you went through your inbox was during your lunch break. New announcements could have been made during the course of the afternoon and dinner.
  * Clean desk. It’s already too cluttered to be considered conducive for studying.
  * Update planner. The next wave of exams was still a little far away, however, there were a lot of reports to submit by the end of the month.
  * Go over the notes Rina sent. You accidentally fell asleep during the lecture, so you had to catch up.



A satisfied hum escaped your mouth, pleased with your to-do list. It seemed attainable. You could probably watch an episode or two of The Good Place if you finish early. The evening was looking good and productive.

Or so you thought.

Because the unexpected presence of a certain somebody in front of your unit screamed otherwise. You wanted to make a run for it, but Atsumu had already met your eyes and you knew right then and there that there would be no escape from what was yet to happen. Mustering all the courage that you could, you started making your way towards him (your unit). You could feel your heart stuttering as your hands faintly trembled. 

“Atsumu.” you said, barely above a whisper.

“Can we talk?” your boyfriend asked, looking so helpless. Your chest ached a bit. “Please?”

You only nodded in response before taking out your keys to unlock the door. You led him inside wordlessly and he followed obediently. After taking off your footwear and placing it neatly beside Atsumu’s, you gestured at him to proceed to the dining area. You went straight to the kitchen to prepare tea for the both of you. While you were waiting for the water to boil, your head started spinning as a plethora of scenarios appeared in your mind. You were on the brink of tears just by thinking about the worst possible outcome - nothing gets resolved and Atsumu would just end up walking out of your apartment, and probably from this whole thing, too. It was frightening--- 

The whistle from the kettle stopped your thoughts from going any further, though you didn’t know if you should feel grateful for that. Facing Atsumu with an unprepared heart didn’t really sound any better.

After brewing the tea, you slowly made your way to your dining space where you saw Atsumu staring vacantly on the white wall in front of him. You cleared your throat as you placed a mug of the hot beverage in front of him. It took you a while to settle in the seat in front of him, making sure your movements were sluggish in order to prolong the moment before the dreaded confrontation. You knew you were being irrational and probably a little immature, too. Atsumu came all the way to Kyoto to talk about what had transpired between the two of you, yet there you were, hoping for an emergency exit to appear out of thin air. It was pure cowardice and stubbornness. You just weren’t ready. 

“I was an ass,” he stated as soon as you sat down in front of him. It almost caught you off guard. “I really forgot about ‘em, the dates, I mean. I became busy and I lost track of the days. There is no excuse for what I’ve done.” The shame in his voice only made the ache in your chest worsen.

“Indeed, there isn’t. After you forgot about the first date, I did my best to remind you about the next one, didn’t I? And the next one and the next one, too.” your tone was neither sad nor angry, but there was a characteristic coldness to it. You did your best to keep your feelings in check to prevent another outburst like last time, however, you were already almost at your limit. Your emotions were raging like fire. This was what you were afraid of. “But what did you do? Obviously ignored my messages and not just about the dates, but also everything else---”

“(Name)---”

“Let me finish, Atsumu,” you hissed, your words stinging like poison. “Honestly, I have no idea what happened. You suddenly became distant and I found myself racking my brains out because I wanted to know if I did anything wrong! I asked you for so many times if something was botherin’ you. What did I get? More lies and distance---”

“(Name), please hear me out---”

“Oh god, I just wanted to know if you’re doin’ fine, if you were eatin’ well, if you were gettin’ enough sleep. But what did you do? You started pushin’ me away, avoidin’ me like a goddamn plague! Just like what you did in high school. What the fuck are you runnin’ away from this time?!” It took you seconds to register what you had just said in your mind. You began cursing yourself, realizing that bringing up what Atsumu did back then was probably a low blow. “Shit. I didn’t mean---”

“No, you’re right. Like I said, I was an ass,” he cut you off, a sad smile tugging the corners of his lips upward. “I didn’t know how it started. At first, I just wanted to keep myself from rantin’ to you about almost everything. I was bein’ unfair. During our phone calls, I’d always be the one to talk ‘bout the shit I’ve been through. I didn’t know why it took me forever to realize that you were as busy as I am and the stress medschool is makin’ ya feel is already too much as it is.

“I just really wanted to lessen the rants so that I wouldn’t add to your stress. But I just kept experiencin’ bad days and then you were really persistent, so I found myself lyin’, but I hate lyin’, especially to you, so I decided to just avoid you for a while so that I could get my shit together. But that didn’t happen cuz my days became really shitty for some reason. Kept messing up my serves, couldn’t give Shouyou-kun a proper toss, got locked out of my place one night cuz I lost my keycard, had a petty fight with Omi-kun...the list goes on. Felt like karma, y’know? 

“I didn’t open your messages cuz I was afraid that I might just start telling you shit. Was so scared that once my mouth gets goin’, it won’t stop and I’ll just start stressin’ ya out again. I didn’t become picky - all your messages, I ignored - so the reminders ‘bout the dates were left unread, too. That together with the fact that I got really busy and had to deal with so much personal shit, I lost track of time. 

“I know that I could’ve done things to prevent that, but I didn’t. I fucked up. I was selfish, a real douche. You didn’t deserve any of that. I’m sorry.”

The both of you sat in silence, your eyes trained on the table. You felt your heart clenching tighter and tighter as time went by. Neither of you had the courage to speak in spite of being fully aware that there was so much to say. After a couple of minutes, the respite slowly became more suffocating and soon enough, you weren’t able to stand it anymore. 

“Y’know, like you, I have met a lot of people in my life,” you croaked, your voice shaking by a whisker. “I have built relationships with ‘em. Some were healthy, a few eventually became toxic. I connected and reconnected with people and there were times I had to cut off some. Through it all, I was always reminded that communication is important, but understanding is also as essential.

“Atsumu, I....I want this---I want us to work out. I need you to talk to me so that I can understand and not jump into conclusions. That won’t happen if we go on like this,” you said, a sob stuck at the back of your mouth. “You could’ve trusted me more with your insecurities. We’re both human and no one expects anyone to be perfect - it’s not like I’m going to give up on you for being human. Whenever you tell me about your day, I feel happy. Our arrangement isn’t the easiest - it was never really meant to be easy - that’s why I appreciate it whenever I hear about the moments in your life that I missed. In that way, I feel closer to you.

“When you stopped talking to me, I didn’t try to think much about it. I guessed that maybe, you just wanted some alone time. But then you never really got back to telling me about how your day went. I started having self-doubts. Thoughts like ‘I must have hurt him’ and ‘I must have done something wrong’ flooded my mind. After that, you started not showing up on dates. I suddenly felt that maybe, this was your way of getting rid of me. I considered that maybe, you’re finally getting tired of us---”

“No!” he interjected, standing up from the seat across you. He then made his way over to your side, getting down on one knee to meet your eyes. His expression whispered nothing but apologies and when Atsumu placed his palm on the side of your face, touching it with his soft caress, that’s when you finally let the tears flow. You didn’t push him away. “I never meant for you to feel that way,” he mumbled, his voice now gentle. “I wasn’t getting tired of us, angel. I wasn’t getting rid of ya. I’m sorry for hurtin’ you like this. I fucked up. But I want to make things right. That’s why I went here. I wasn’t sure if you’d be ready to see me, but I was already dyin’ inside, y’know?

“You’re right ‘bout communication and understanding. I’m sorry you had to teach it to me the hard way. I can’t promise that I can never hurt you again. Like ya said, we’re both human, so I can’t promise that I could love ya perfectly and to be honest, I’m still learning how to love properly. But believe me, I want to give you the best kind of love that I could offer. I love you. I love you so much and I’m probably bein’ selfish here, but if it’s not too much to ask, would you give me another chance, (Name)?”

Your hand found itself on top Atsumu’s, your fingers threading themselves between his. You smiled at him softly, fondly, the tears still rolling down your cheeks. The vice grip grappling your heart finally disappeared and what was left was a free-flowing river, a peaceful Saturday afternoon, a song of the sparrow outside your window, a candle burning in a dark room - it was relief and freedom and new fragments of courage and hope. 

“Yes,” you answered, voice hoarse from the dryness in your mouth. “Of course.”

When his strong arms finally encased your frame, you immediately melted into the embrace. Atsumu started whispering ‘I love you’ and sweet nothings in between forehead and cheek kisses. It made you feel a little giddy, the sadness from the past weeks long forgotten. 

With the little strength you had left, you lifted your head up to meet his eyes. The way he looked at you made your heart want to explode and your brain short circuit. His love for you was whole, searing, and very alive, you were reminded of this much.

“Thank you,” he muttered, his lips a few centimeters away from yours. His hot breath and the hold of his arms were probably the only things keeping you grounded. “Thank you,” he repeated before pressing his lips against yours tenderly. At that very instant, you knew nothing else mattered except him.

You figured that your to-do list could wait because for now, you felt content and safe and everything in between. 

Atsumu felt like home.

-

The ninth thing Atsumu did was to break his promise.

Living alone for quite a long time now did not exactly mean that you’d be immune to loneliness. The horrors of being all by yourself tended to strike during the most random of times, and whenever they did, the feeling of sadness mixed with helplessness becomes asphyxiating. 

It was probably because of your visit to your friend Seiji’s house earlier, you mused. After studying the whole morning, his mother came home with some ingredients for dango. You and your friends then found yourselves making and eating dozens. The activity reminded you of how your sixteen-year-old self used to spend your weekend afternoons back in Hyogo. Osamu would always invite you to come over to keep him company while he’s making whatever food he was craving for. There were times when he’d also let you lend him a hand. Atsumu was never allowed to help, so his main contributions were the chichat and the R&B playlist he was awfully attached to. 

There was an obstinate void in you and not even your favorite romcoms and Korean fried chicken could help you forget it. When the ending credits of Love Actually started rolling, you decided to fuck it all and grabbed your phone from the coffee table. You weren’t even sure if he’d pick up, but as the saying went: you’d never know unless you try, right?

To your surprise, it only took three rings before your boyfriend answered. You let out a sigh of relief, the bubble of anxiety in your chest disappearing. 

“Hey babe, what’s up?” Atsumu greeted. You two had recently talked to each other over a FaceTime a couple of days ago, however, you’d be lying if you’d say that you didn’t miss his voice...and him. The realization that you were already crying upon hearing him talk came in late. You didn’t even notice the wetness on your face until your vision became blurry and you felt a sob about to emerge from the back of your throat. “(Name)? You there?” There was shuffling of feet in the background accompanied by some ‘nice work today,’ and ‘see you all on Monday,’ and some squeaking and clunking sounds. 

“Oh...I...uhhh...yeah, I’m here,” you replied, though you weren’t able to stop your voice from breaking. You hoped Atsumu didn’t notice it and proceeded to ask, “practice just ended?”

“Babe, are you crying?” he asked, completely ignoring your question. 

“I’m not.” Atsumu only responded with a hum and that’s when you knew he saw right through your terrible lie. Groaning, you added, “fine, I am. But I feel slightly better now. Just really wanted to hear your voice, ‘Tsumu. Was feelin’ a little lonely a while ago. It’s all good now, though.”

“(Name)---”

“Anyway, I have to go. I still have some stuff to do. You should probably grab some dinner and go home. I miss you, ‘Tsumu. Thanks for answering the call. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?”

-

You found yourself doing anything you could think of for the past two hours or so. You tidied your living room, finally fixed your closet, and even started working on the case study that was due in three weeks. It took your mind off the loneliness that you were drowning in earlier. The tears were long forgotten and you even started to actually feel good due to the productivity.

You were deep in the zone.

You really were.

Until your doorbell began ringing and it took everything in you to stop yourself from screaming like a banshee because really, who in their right mind would show up unannounced in front of your apartment past 9 PM? Oh they were definitely going to get an earful from you. 

However, the words you were planning to speak failed to leave your mouth upon seeing your boyfriend on your doorstep. You were pretty sure that you’ve seen this before. There was a sheepish smile on his face, as if already aware of the incoming lecture.

“Got you your favorites,” was what he immediately said, holding up a box of pastries. 

You let out a sigh of defeat as you welcomed him into your place. Miya Atsumu was indeed a difficult man to deal with. Osamu probably committed heinous crimes in his past life to be stuck with him since birth.

He already settled on your couch, happily munching on a donut, when you returned from the kitchen with glasses of water for the both of you. He looked so carefree while eating. You should probably ask him about his diet after you scold him for pulling off something like this again, you noted.

“Didn’t I tell you not to go here without telling me in advance?” you chided, slightly annoyed by the fact that he seemed to not be fazed by your facade. “I could’ve been somewhere else, y’know? And oh god, don’t tell me you went here straight from practice!”

“Chill, tiger,” he laughed softly and you glared at him for sounding so unbothered. “First off, I stopped by the bakery to buy you food---”

“Which you’re eatin'.”

“Which I’m eatin',” he said in agreement. “And then I grabbed some clothes from the condo since I can’t possibly drive back to Osaka this late, right babe?” There was a smirk playing across his lips. He ate the rest of the donut before scooting closer to you, his arm pulling your body towards his as he brought you in for a loose yet comforting hug, a kiss on your temple following afterwards. You felt the walls you’ve built earlier slowly crumbling down as Atsumu’s warmth worked its magic on you. “‘Sides, I was sure you’d be home. You tend to shut yourself in and drown in whatever whenever something’s troublin’ ya, am I right? You ain’t really the type to go out for drinks when you’re feelin’ down, y’know? Somebody has to drag you from your hermit cave for that to happen,” he stated as a matter-of-factly, earning another glare from you. “Anyway, wanna talk about it? Or if ya don’t wanna, we can just keep cuddlin’ like this until ya feel better. Sounds good?”

And really, that’s all it took for you to bring down all the walls you’ve surrounded yourself with. You buried your face in Atsumu’s chest as you let the tears spill and the sobs trip past your lips. Your living space was filled with your cries and Atsumu’s it’s okay’s and I’m just here’s. With all the inhibitions gone, you let everything loose. You told him everything, you words running like wildfire. You told him that you were lonely and that you were tired and that being an adult was just too hard. You told him that you missed the simpler days when you didn’t have to worry about your next meal or your laundry. You told Atsumu everything and he listened, taking in everything you had to say. It didn’t take long before you began feeling the weight on your shoulders and chest disappearing, as if they were never really there in the first place. 

“I’m sorry that you had to listen to me rantin’,” you hiccupped before drinking water. You immediately went back to Atsumu for another embrace, pressing your body against his comfortably. It was like having his arms wrapped around you was the only thing that kept you alive and whole. 

You heard him chuckle, a kiss on the forehead following shortly. “Y’know you can tell me anything, right? What kind of boyfriend am I if I can’t even do something as simple as this?”

“What kind of boyfriend are you? Well, I have an answer for that, buddy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re the stubborn type. Like really stubborn. Hard-headed stubborn. What did I tell you about comin’ here without any warning?”

“Babe!”

“Don’t think you can pout your way out of this, Miya Atsumu,” you said sternly, puppy eyes soon accompanying the pout on his lips. It was almost comical. 

“I just---”

You didn’t let him finish whatever he was about to say as you kissed him, swallowing his words. It’s not like Atsumu minded though since he found himself humming into the kiss. You kissed him like a beautiful summer day - full of life, sweet, pleasant, yet a little fleeting. The pout returned on his lips the moment you pulled away.

As if knowing about the complaint that was about to come, you already reassured, “I’ll give you more later. The cream puffs will become too soggy if we don’t eat them now, ‘Tsumu.”

The rest of the evening was dedicated to finishing the box of pastries and continuing your movie marathon from earlier. It was nice, having to end what seemed to be one of your worst days on such a wonderful note, finding yourself once again in Atsumu’s embrace, as if it’s the only place where you could exist. His free hand was stroking your hair and your head was on his chest, feeling and listening to his heartbeat. Thump. Thump. Thump. It was music to your ears.

Perhaps you could get used to this.

-

The tenth thing Atsumu did was nothing, really. 

The stubborn Sunday morning sunlight made their way through the crevices of your window blinds, the subtle heat and gentle glow effectively waking you up. Turning around to face the other way became quite a struggle with the weight of Atsumu’s arm draped around your waist, even so, you were determined to get additional sleep. After successfully executing the maneuver, your eyes fell on your boyfriend’s sleeping visage.

Calm was a word rarely associated with Atsumu. The guy was like a strong gust of wind, a force to be reckoned with. He was lively as he was diligent and tenacious. He’s always had a fire burning within him and you adored that about him, however, that didn’t mean you don’t appreciate the version of Atsumu in front of you at that very instant. Looking at him with his chest rising and falling in regular intervals and listening to his soft snores brought you peace. Your heart swelled, happiness overflowing because it was just too much to contain already. You felt so content, so fortunate, and so elated.

It didn’t take long for Atsumu to finally stir from his sleep as the morning light fell on his face. He didn’t miss your gaze the moment he lifted his eyelids. 

“Whatcha smilin’ at?” he mumbled, voice still laced with sleep, though he was already mirroring your expression. 

Your hand cupped the side of his face, thumb drawing circles on his skin. “Nothing, just you,” you answered as you buried your face in the junction where his chest and neck meet.

He only hummed in response as he pulled you closer to his body, his hand rubbing the small of your back with his soothing touch. It was probably a little past seven in the morning. You guessed that getting an extra hour of sleep wouldn’t hurt. 

You two drifted back to your respective slumbers, not letting the stubborn Sunday morning sunlight get in the way anymore.

-

Soon enough, you started to lose count of the things Atsumu has done. You were pretty sure you missed a few things here and there during the in between moments. However, it was undeniable that you found yourself plummeting with an unstoppable force into what it seemed like a bottomless chasm. For the past months, Atsumu has done nothing but give you reasons to fall for him, whether it was intentional or not, you didn’t really care.

When you finally remembered the name for the emotions Atsumu was making you feel, you felt like you had discovered a divine revelation. The realization reminded you of the sun and the stars and all other galaxies besides yours. The gravity of his warmth was strong as it was tender. You found yourself orbiting around Miya Atsumu and there was nothing that could stop you, not even the infinite wonders of the vast universe. It was celestial, heavenly, and it was as if the gods favored you a little too much because they have blessed you with something so delicate yet so beautiful. 

It took you a while, but now you can safely say that you've finally found your way back into love.


End file.
